Insomnia
by cndrow
Summary: Donatello can't sleep...  He's shocked to discover how one of his brothers try to help remedy his insomnia.  Panic and fear ensues.  Warnings: contains turtlecest; angst. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings and Disclaimers:  
>This story will contain Turtlecest. No, I am not spoiling it by telling you the pairing(s). :3<br>I do not own the Turtles. If I did, they would not be forced to have a third toe, and Donatello most definitely would _not_ be in love with April.

Welcome to my third chaptered story; it will be much shorter than my normal stories. I would greatly appreciate any constructive feedback or general comments if you have the time to leave them. This story is being written for very personal reasons, and as such it's hard for me to write. Please help me with motivation. ^_^

And enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Insomnia<span>  
>Chapter One<p>

Donatello had tried everything he could think of to try to sleep.

Exercise. Eating before bed and not eating at all. Meditating. Gaming. Chores. Movies- both porn and non. Reading- both fiction and textbooks. Drawing. Deep breathing. Lights on. Lights off. Music. Absolute quiet.

He sighed as he glanced at the colourful display on his computer screen. Sleep had eluded him for almost two weeks, and he was reaching the point where he couldn't think at all.

He eyed the prescription bottle sitting next to his keyboard; he hadn't put it there, but he had a sure guess who had. Leo had noticed his sluggish behavior over the last few days; once he'd heard that Donnie was in another insomnia bout, he'd gently suggested the Imitrex April had been able to get him. Although the medication was usually prescribed for migraines- which Donatello had occasionally- he mainly used it for its ability to knock him flat on his back for close to twenty-four hours. For whatever reason, it forced him to a deep, unshakeable sleep; and it was now his last resort. Yet again.

He heaved another sigh as he laboriously stood, tapping the tan bottle thoughtfully. If he couldn't sleep tonight, he would have to take one. His thoughts were fuzzy, his movements and reactions severely limited. Leo hadn't let him go on patrol last night, and that had stung considerably.

"Donnie?"

He turned at the soft call; it wasn't Leo, as he had expected, but Raphael. He arranged his face in a smile before turning.

"Yeah?" he said, then gripped his computer chair as a yawn suddenly overtook him.

"Hey," Raphael replied, creeping into the room slowly, his muscular form outlined by the harsh light from the door. "Leo said you ain't sleeping again."

"No," Donnie said, slumping in defeat. "I think I'm going to have to take something tonight."

"I'm sorry." Raphael stepped up to him, his face saddened. He'd heard Donatello's violent protests about drug usage; they were of the same mind, and just as stubborn about taking anything. "I'm really sorry, Don, but you _have_ to sleep."

"I know that," Donnie snapped, then put a hand on Raph's shoulder when he frowned. "I've reached my limit. I think I'll take this in another hour."

"Why not now?" Raphael pressed, covering his hand gently with his own.

"Because I'd like to inform Leo and eat supper first," Donnie said wryly, and they shared a genuine smile.

"Fine, but after that, you gotta rest, okay?"

"I will, I will," Donnie promised. "Anything planned for dinner?"

"I think its free-for-all. You got any preferences? I was gonna make a grilled cheese or three for me."

Donnie smiled tiredly. "Oh please! I love those."

"You got it," Raphael grinned proudly, pleased at the praise. "Hey, so why do you think you get this, anyway? None of us have trouble sleeping. At least, I don't think so…"

"Who knows," Donnie mumbled, rubbing a temple irritably. "Perhaps it's the constant visual stimulation."

"Yer not on the computer _that_ much," Raphael scoffed. He steered Donatello toward the kitchen. "Though I guess yer usually reading or working if yer not on it."

"Exactly," Donnie yawned. He sank into one of the kitchen chairs gratefully. "Gods, my body feels like it's three times its weight."

Raphael's brow furrowed as he frowned, and Donnie immediately regretted the admittance.

"I'll be fine with some food and rest," he added hastily. He rested his chin in his hands as he watched Raphael busy himself with the grill; worrying over the crease that remained on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

Insomnia  
>Chapter Two<p>

Eventually the smell of food lured the other two brothers to the kitchen, and Raphael grumbled as both Leo and Mikey begged for sandwiches as well. Donnie took a small pleasure in the fact that he was able to eat in front of the others while their stomachs rumbled- at least, until he cracked under their pleading eyes and gave them each a piece of his.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few, content to focus on devouring their food as quickly as possible. Donnie tried to keep up with the half-intelligible conversation, but the sounds flowed through his mind like water through his fingers.

"Will you stop yawning?" Raphael finally said, leaning his chair back on two legs.

"I would if I could," Donnie said apologetically.

"Are you alright, Donnie?" Mikey asked anxiously. "I mean beyond the whole can't sleep thing."

"I don't know- ask me tomorrow," Donnie chuckled.

"Can I get you anything?" Mikey's wide blue eyes were impossibly wide with concern, and Donnie sighed inwardly.

"No, I'm all good here."

"Can I do anything for you?"

"No, Mikey."

"Do you want some water?" Mikey pointed at the empty glass by his arm. "Are you cold?"

Donatello tilted his head at Mikey irritably. "_Please_ tell me I am _not_ this annoying when I'm taking care of one of you."

"Harsh, Donnie, harsh," Mikey pouted, squeezed his shoulder gently.

"Pretty much," Raphael sniggered.

Leo glared at him before turning to Donnie. "No, Don, you're not annoying when you're seeing after us." He covered one of Donnie's hands with his own, giving him a rare, tender smile. "We're overly concerned, is all. This happened just last month; it seems to be occurring more frequently."

"Don't remind me."

"I think you work too hard," Mikey pouted, draping his head against him.

"I concur," Leo agreed.

"Me three," Raphael grumbled.

"So what do I do?" Donnie said impatiently, gesturing around the lair. "I've dropped all personal and unnecessary projects for now. When I'm working, it's something I _have_ to get done. I'm not just playing around in there for fun."

"Then let us help," Mikey urged. "I mean, geez Donnie, we may not be able to do all the stuff you do but we're not _stupid_. We can do gruntwork or whatever."

Donnie leveled a stare at him. "Mikey, I don't trust you with a roll of paper towels. I wouldn't let you within ten feet of my machines unless my very life depended on it!"

"And what if I told you it did?" Leo squeezed his hand gently. "Don, you can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not terrible yet, but this could escalate into something you can't handle; something that could make you very ill."

Donnie's resistance melted at those words, and he slumped against the table wearily. "You've a point. Alright. Look, if you guys can agree to follow my instructions _to the letter_, I… I'll delegate some tasks."

"Thank you," Leo replied, chuckling softly when Mikey wrapped his arms around Donnie's shoulders in a hug.

"I'll be extra careful!" Mikey said excitedly. "I promise. I'll be on my _bestest_ behavior."

"You better be," Donnie growled, then hid his face against an arm as he yawned.

"Time for bed," Raphael said firmly, pulling Donnie's half-full plate toward him and standing up. "C'mon, wonder boy, supper's over."

Donnie yawned twice more before they reached the lab, starting a chain reaction that infected them all. Mikey teased him about it as they crowded around the door; each independently reluctant to leave Donnie alone.

"Mikey will come check on you tonight," Leo said quietly. "So don't 'forget' and lock your door, hm?"

"That was an accident last time," Donnie protested. "I told you that, like, five times already." He smiled when he caught the wry slant of Leo's mock frown.

Mikey stepped forward, pulling Donnie in a tight hug. "I hope you feel better soon!"

"I will, Mikey, don't worry. I'll be fine."

Raphael patted his shoulder affectionately. "You'll be better tomorrow, Don. And then you're going to start letting us help you out. Got it?"

"Yes, yes."

"C'mon, Mike." Raphael threw an arm around his youngest brother. "I bet we can get in a few rounds of Halo 'fore we pass out."

"Dude, if those Canadian assholes are online, we _so _gotta kick their asses," Mikey snarled.

Raphael's reply was lost as they turned a corner and disappeared from sight. Donnie shook his head, still smiling.

"Don?"

"Hm?"

"You have to let us take care of you sometimes," Leo replied quietly.

Donnie sighed heavily. "I know, Leo. I'm sorry for worrying you. I just think I should be able to handle this workload."

"Not all by yourself."

"_You_ do," Donnie said petulantly. "You're the leader. You handle it just fine by yourself."

"You know me so well, then?" Leo asked, arching a brow. "Then why do have tea with sensei after every morning practice? Why do I cook with Mikey? Watch sports with Raph? And have evening meditation with you?"

"I…" Donnie's eyes narrowed playfully. "You win this round."

"You bet I do." Leo gave him a triumphant smirk before pulling him into a gentle hug. "Now, get some well-deserved rest, dear brother." Leo stepped back, his hand still lingering on Donnie's wrist. "I- We love you."

Donnie leaned against the doorframe as he watched Leo turn and walk away. Leo almost never said that; he could only conclude Leo was a lot more worried than he let on.

"Love you," Donnie called.

Leo half-turned, and Donnie could see another of his affectionate smiles on his face. Two in one night? Leo must seriously be concerned.

Donatello sighed as he closed the door, checking twice to be certain it was not locked. He grabbed the prescription bottle on the way to his bed, tucked in the back corner of the lab. He set it on the tiny desk nearby, then folded back the blankets and rolled into bed. He cuddled deep into the soft sheets and downy pillow, yawning once again.

He was in the middle of thinking he'd have to sit up again to take the medicine when he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Insomnia  
>Chapter Three<p>

Donatello shifted slightly in bed, drifting comfortably in that hazy state between sleep and consciousness. Something tugged at his mind, trying to warn him, but he was alert enough to realize he didn't want to wake up yet.

The _something _yanked at him again, and he sighed inwardly, sluggishly assessing his surroundings without opening his eyes. That's when he felt the warm hands sliding down his chest, and it was all he could do to not yelp. While focusing on keeping his breathing steady, the hands wandered further down his body. He was unable to stop himself from swallowing nervously, but fortunately it wasn't noticed.

Panic seeped into his mind, and he devoted more of his mental resources to keeping his body from tensing. Why was his brother touching him like this? Why were his hands trailing down his legs and applying intimate pressure to the inside of his thighs? And why did he enjoy the touches as much as he feared them?

He turned to his other senses to identify the brother hovering over him. The hands were rough padded, but that didn't tell him much. The soft breathing was too hushed to identify the voice behind it- but when it flowed over his neck, the sickly-sweet smell of Kool-Aid and chocolate filled his nostrils.

_Mikey?_

Donnie's mind began racing. Mikey was going to check on him later, Leo had said as much. But why were one of his hands rubbing the base of his plastron while the other had sneaked up along his side and was gently kneading his shoulder? Why was he-

Donnie shut down his circular questioning and concentrated on remaining perfectly still when a finger slipped under his carapace and caressed the side of his dick. Another layer of fear settled over him when he realized his body was responding to the ministrations. It seemed to please Mikey, as his breaths became louder and ragged. Donnie wanted him to stop, he wanted his body to stop, he didn't want to feel the forbidden pleasure crawling up his spine. As much as he wanted to shove Mikey away, he was infinitely more terrified of what Mikey would do if he found out he was awake.

So he laid there, quiet and compliant while those probing hands explored him. It felt like hours before the affectionate fingers retreated, and a warm mouth pressed against his forehead briefly.

"G'night, Donnie," Mikey whispered happily. "Rest well."

Donnie strained to hear his footfalls, but there was silence until he heard the lab door swing open then closed. He remained where he was, paralyzed with conflicting emotions for nearly a half hour before he dared to crack open an eye.

He was alone.

That fact broke the invisible bonds holding him down; he shot out of his bed and ran to the door. He reached out to open it, then paused, his mind flooded by another slew of questions.

Who should he go to? Who _could_ he go to?

…_Could_ he go to anyone?

Leo. Leo would listen, he would believe him. But then, did he want to talk? Donnie covered his mouth with a hand to hide a whimper welling in his throat. It'd be a good bet Leo would take them to sensei over this, middle of the night or not.

Raph. He could definitely go to Raph. Raph would protect him. But he'd still have to explain and Raph… Raph was liable to march himself down and tear into Mikey with his fists.

He stood there, frozen, undecided. Leo or Raph?

Several moments later, he shook his head. He turned the lock on the door; the sharp snap of the mechanism echoing through the lab. A note of security.

Choking back a sob, he fled to his bed and buried himself beneath the blankets.


	4. Chapter 4

Insomnia  
>Chapter Four<p>

The pounding on the steel door matched the throbbing in Donnie's head, dragging him reluctantly to consciousness. Immediately he froze as last night's memories rushed to the forefront of his thoughts.

What if that was Mikey at the door?

He pulled the blankets into his lap, curling in the corner as he listened to the insistent banging. Something in the pattern tugged at his mind, and with a gasp he suddenly threw the sheets from his body and raced to the door. Clicking the lock, he opened it and peered out anxiously.

"What the fuck did Leo tell you?" Raphael snarled, sliding his foot between the door and the frame. "Why did you lock- Waitaminute." He reached out, gripping Don's shoulder, frowning when he felt him twitch. "Are you okay? I didn't think I'd actually wake you up. Shouldn't you be knocked out right now?"

Donatello glanced around his head fearfully. "Where's Mikey?"

Raphael's frown deepened in annoyance at the change of subject. "Out on a grocery run with Leo. Why-,"

Donnie grabbed his hand with both of his, dragging him bodily into the lab and slamming the door shut after him. He hurriedly turned the lock, then plastered himself to Raphael's chest, clutching the edges of his plastron.

"Don, why didja lock the door? Don? Don, what's going on?"

"No questions," Donnie mumbled against his skin. "Please. Not right now."

"Don, you don't freak out like this," Raphael replied worriedly. "Like, ever. Ya got a cool head like Leo. Mikey and me are the ones that get to spaz. So 'fess up."

Fear tightened Donnie's chest, and he burrowed his face further into Raphael's shoulder. Raph would protect him. Raph wouldn't laugh at him.

He just had to keep him from killing Mikey.

"L-Let's sit down?" Donnie suggested, then bit back a cry as Raphael immediately steered them toward the bed and forced him to sit with a heavy hand on his neck. Donnie was briefly aware that Raphael's touch was far removed from the invasive hands of last night, and he actually leaned into his embrace, craving the physical comfort.

"Explain," Raphael said in a low, dangerous tone.

Donnie forced his breathing to slow. He'd been given a direct order. He had to answer. It was simpler to think of it that way.

"You have to promise to not speak of any of this to anyone," Donnie said, attempting to sound as forceful as his strained throat would allow. He waited until Raphael considered it and nodded before continuing. "I- I didn't take the Imitrex last night-,"

The explosion of curses interrupted him, and he instinctively reached up to grip Raphael's shoulders.

"Raph- Please, please, you have to hear me out first."

"We told ya to take it," Raphael snarled. "Leo told ya. I told ya!"

"But I fell asleep before I could take it!" Donnie protested. "I fell asleep on my own!"

Raphael rubbed the side of his face, obviously irritated but nodded again. "'Kay. Go on."

Donatello swallowed nervously, his mouth flooding with saliva. "Th-That's why you were able to wake me up, see. I- Well… See, I didn't take it last night so I was just simply asleep when- when-,"

"_Yessss?_" Raphael prompted in a soft growl. He shook Donnie slightly when he hesitated.

"M-Mikey checked on me," Donnie finally gasped.

Raphael blinked at him. "Yeah. So?"

The facts. They were just facts he had to say. Impersonal, logical facts. When Donnie spoke, it came out in a rush.

"H-He came in and thought I was knocked out from the Imitrex which I did not take and I woke up but didn't let him know I was awake because he started touching me."

"Whaddya mean?" Raphael snapped.

Donatello swallowed again, averting his gaze in shame. "He began touching my body in-inappropriately. I-I wanted him to st-stop but he didn't know I was conscious and I was so, _so_ afraid of what he'd do if he knew so I…" Donatello raised his knees to his chest, curling in on himself. "I stayed still. I didn't do anything and I just… Let him. I was so scared."

The seconds of silence that followed his speech was suffocating, and Donnie was humiliated to hear a small whimper escape his throat.

And then strong arms were wrapped around him, and he leaned eagerly into the sudden embrace. He was startled to feel Raphael shiver slightly.

"M'gonna kill him," Raphael whispered, and Donnie was alarmed at the calm, the assurance of his tone.

"No! No, no, you promised you wouldn't talk about this!" Donnie pleaded. "You promised."

"Oh, I won't talk," Raphael breathed. "I'll fuckin' kill him."

"No," Donnie gasped, digging his fingers into Raphael's arms desperately. "I don't want you to do anything. Please. I- I don't think M-Mikey really thought this through. I d-don't think he understands what he's d-doing."

"If he touches you again, I will kill him," Raphael snarled, his hidden anger flaring in his golden eyes. "An' I don't care what ya say. I'll do it."

"I don't want him to," Donatello whispered, resting heavily against his chest. "I know he pr-probably didn't mean any harm but- but-,"

"How dare he touch you like that without askin'," Raphael muttered, absently stroking the back of Donnie's head. "He won't do it again. Not as long as I breathe."

Donnie hid his face against Raphael's plastron, no longer fighting the tears pooling in his eyes. Raphael held him as he shuddered and shook for several moments, an occasional keening cry escaping his lips.

Raphael handed him a corner of the blanket when he calmed, and he gratefully wiped his moist face against it.

"Thank you."

"Never thank me for bein' here," Raphael said gruffly. "Don- Can I ask ya somethin'?"

"Of course."

Raphael's gaze went to the wall, studying it as if it were utterly fascinating. "You ever thought of any of us like that? S'at part of why yer upset?"

Donatello snorted, the question sparking a bit of mirth. "Raph, we're the only ones of our kind, and have lived and will _always_ live in close quarters with each other. Of _course_ I have. Just-,"

"'Kay. S'all I wanted to know. Just rest."


	5. Chapter 5

Insomnia  
>Chapter Five<p>

Raphael convinced Donnie to remain in the lab all day, since he would've been asleep until that afternoon from the medicine anyway. Donnie was all too happy to agree, especially when Raphael promised to check on him periodically.

It was odd to see Raphael's eyes so dark and serious, his movements nervous, his smile uncertain. Donnie knew their talk had bothered him more than he'd admit, but he was relieved that Raphael didn't mention it when he came in with a snack or something to drink. Though Raphael was obviously upset, he was also going to great lengths to make Donnie smile- including a round of self-depreciating humour that had Donatello laughing so hard his sides hurt.

Donatello glanced up as the lab door opened, tensing slightly until he saw Raphael's bulky form pass into the room. He opened his mouth to greet him, then froze as a second shadow followed.

"S'Leo," Raphael clarified hurriedly, jerking a thumb over his shoulder, and Donatello hid a sigh of relief as he set his book aside.

"It's good to see you awake," Leo said warmly, resting a hand on his shoulder. Donnie found himself leaning toward him, the touch both calming and inviting- just like Raphael's. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Donnie lied; wincing when Leo's eyes narrowed. He caught that, and Donnie backpedaled verbally. "I mean, I _did_ sleep, but not terribly well."

Leo nodded, accepting the explanation as he sat by him. "You do still look exhausted, Don. That worries me."

"_Us,_" Raphael corrected in a huff as he sat on Don's other side.

Leo dipped his head again in acknowledgement. "Did the Imitrex not work like it has been?"

"I…" Donnie's gaze slid to meet Raphael's; his chest tightening with emotion when Raphael squeezed his arm urgently.

"S'Leo," Raphael muttered in a low voice. "He'll figure somethin's up soon enough."

"_Raph,_" Donnie snapped, then glanced at Leo guiltily. He silently cursed himself for still feeling so edgy; it was too soon for his emotions to be under control, and he knew his face gave everything away when Leo's hand gripped his shoulder anxiously.

"What?" Raphael replied irritably. "Y'know how much of a creeper Leo is. Basically reads yer fuckin' mind at times."

"Raph, please, be quiet," Leo said evenly, easily capturing their attention. "Don, tell me what's going on."

Too soon. Donnie felt the fear creeping back to the edges of his mind, but it was easier to push it away this time. The twin presences beside him were all the encouragement he needed, and he set that in a mental loop to repeat to himself as he slowly, haltingly, made Leo promise to not discuss it with anyone else.

Leo's expression shuttered not long after he started talking, and remained impassive as he listened silently, his utter stillness unnatural. Even Raphael shifted a few times uncomfortably, each time edging closer to Donnie's side.

"And- And like I told Raph," Donnie said, his gaze now firmly locked on his feet, "I d-don't think Mikey knows what he's doing. He's p-probably not aware of how this appears t-to me." He saw Leo and Raph pass a look between them, could _feel_ the unspoken words, but couldn't decipher them.

"You don't want to believe Mikey would willingly manipulate you for his own pleasure," Leo said in an oddly flat voice.

"Exactly," Donnie whispered.

"Neither do I, Don," Leo said carefully. "You do understand I will have to talk to him at some point in the future, to ensure this never happens again."

Donnie shook his head, eyes pleading, even though he _knew _Leo was right. "Not now. _Please_, Leo, not right now."

"No. Of course not." Leo's eyes slid closed as he took a deep, steadying breath. "It will happen, Don. But not while… when it's so fresh in your mind." He leaned forward, squeezing Donnie's shoulder to bring his gaze back to his. "Don, I want you to know something."

Donnie swallowed hard, bracing himself mentally.

Leo's hand trailed down Donnie's arm, the touch soft and affectionate. "I have never once done anything of this nature when I've come to check on you. Neither has Raph."

"Never," Raphael spat angrily.

Donnie took a shaky breath, willing the urge to cry down into his gut. "Th-Thank you, Leo, Raph. I- I never would believe you guys would, but then… I didn't think M-Mikey-,"

"Neither would I," Leo said harshly, and Donnie's eyes widened as he saw a flicker of the rage Leo was hiding so masterfully. "Don, you either to have to make an appearance tonight or allow Mike in here to check on you. He is just as worried as Raph and I, and… Well, you know he's cleverer than he lets on. Let's not give him any ammunition, alright?"

Donnie nodded miserably, hunching his shoulders defensively.

"An' don't worry," Raphael mumbled. "We ain't gonna let ya be alone with Mike, 'kay? Not ever."

"Won't that be a red flag anyway?" Donnie worried, but Leo shook his head.

"We live practically on top of each other anyway, Don," Leo said with a small smile. "For now, this will give you security and time to… adjust. And Don?"

"Hm?" Donnie looked up, nervously biting his lower lip, his hands fidgeting with Raphael's wristband.

Another silent glance passed between Leo and Raph before he replied. "Don, I'm very, very sorry."

"Me too," Donnie and Raphael chorused, then shared a wry smile.


	6. Chapter 6

Insomnia  
>Chapter Six<p>

A part of Donnie was amused that Raphael left the lab first, casually walking in front of him and Leo, a visual shield. He was startled to feel Leo's fingers twine with his, squeezing them gently before letting go.

Donatello took a deep breath as he stepped into the living area, bracing himself for the blur of green that dived for his midsection.

"Donnie Donnie Donnie!" Mikey cried happily, crushing him in a tight embrace. "How are you feeling?"

_It's just Mikey. Just Mikey. He's not doing anything. Just silly, lovable Mikey._

"I'm a bit tired and stiff," Donnie admitted, biting his lower lip. "But I'm fine, Mikey. Don't worry."

Mikey relinquished his grip to grab Donnie's hand and pull him toward the kitchen with a bright smile. "C'mon, I made pancakes! With blueberries. I found some fresh ones today at the market, just for you."

Donnie sighed inwardly, making an effort to relax as Mikey sat him at the table, fussing and flitting about. He was comforted by the fact that he could see Raphael at the edge of his vision, settled comfortably in his favourite worn armchair, nose buried in a book.

He let Mikey pamper him, forcing smiles and comments as he nodded and ate. Mikey hovered nervously around him, and Donnie felt his spirits sink. He couldn't fool Mikey. Mikey was uncannily perceptive when it came to his brothers, and Donnie was too tired and on edge to put up a believable front.

Resting his chin in his hands, he listened to Mikey rant about he and Raph's Halo matches the night before. Beyond his obvious worry, Mikey seemed normal. Happily chattering, his hands expressive, eyes bright and sharp as ever.

After dinner, Leo slipped in the kitchen and helped them clean up, somehow maneuvering himself between Mikey and Donnie at the sink. Though mostly silent, he did make a few quips at Mikey's inane conversation that had Donnie leaning against him with laughter.

They finally drifted toward the living area, and Donnie was pleased to find Raphael already stretched on the couch, flipping through the TV channels idly. Donnie let him and Mikey shout over who deserved the remote, more concerned about keeping his composure as Mikey cuddled to his side after they sat down. Raphael's heavy weight on his other side was comforting.

Mikey won the remote, settling on an action flick that Raphael grumblingly admitted was good. Donnie only paid half-attention to the flickering screen, letting his mind wander to his to-do list he needed to start tomorrow.

He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't notice Mikey's head drooping onto his shoulder until the soft snores sounded by his ear. He glanced down, refraining from shrinking against Raphael. A thought struck him, and he brought a hand up to smother a gasp.

What if…

What if it was all a dream?

Mikey was so normal, so sane- well, as sane as he ever was- so _peaceful,_ laying there with his cheek pressed firmly against Donnie's skin, a thin line of drool trailing down his chin. Mikey couldn't've done that to him. Surely not.

"Hold him," Donnie muttered, and Raphael blinked up at him sleepily.

"Y'okay? Don? Y'okay?"

"Yes, I'll be right back." Donnie carefully picked himself out from under Mikey and ran to the lab, sliding over to his bed in haste. Tearing the top off the prescription bottle, he paused to take a breath, then poured them out in his hand. There should be five, if he didn't take one last night.

There were five.

Shakily he poured them back into the bottle, the fear surging again, as fresh as it had been yesterday. It was real, it had really happened, Mikey had-

"Shh." Leo's warm hands rested on his shoulders, and Donnie inhaled sharply. "What is it?"

"I thought- Maybe I did take the Imitrex. Maybe Mikey didn't- didn't-,"

"_Did _you take it?" Leo asked quietly; sighing when Donnie shook his head. "It's alright, Donnie. Why don't you get some more rest, even if it's just curling up with your favourite novel? I'll get the others to bed."

"I- Okay."

"And tomorrow we'll help you with whatever needs to be done, as we agreed."

Donnie smiled; sometimes, he really thought Leo was one step ahead of him. "Sounds good."

"And Don…?"

Donnie's heart raced as Leo's arms wrapped around him from behind in a gentle hug. "We're here if you need us. All you have to do is ask, any time."

The relief flooding Donnie made his hands tremble once. "Th-Thanks, Leo. I will. I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

Insomnia  
>Chapter Seven<p>

The next week was awkward, at best, for Donnie, and he could tell it was for his brothers as well. True to their word, they were clamouring that next morning to help with whatever needed doing, and Donnie had to spend an entire morning delegating appropriate tasks.

Allowing himself to be selfish, he paired himself with Raphael the first several days, not only for the comfort, but to teach him how to use the more complicated tools and begin teaching him the schematics of the security systems.

The rest of the week he had to work with the bathroom plumbing, for the sprung leak was only the surface of the much larger corrosion problem they found. Since Raphael was becoming comfortable with the security codes, Donnie had him in the lab for several days while he, Leo, and Mike worked tirelessly on the plumbing.

The work was hard, but satisfying. It filled the day and filled Donnie's mind, not allowing any room for extra thoughts while he was concentrating.

Showering had suddenly become loathsome to Donnie. Though they walked about unclothed most of the time, stripping himself of gear and washing down made him feel extremely vulnerable. It didn't help that they had showered together since they were children, and so to not raise any suspicion he knew he'd have to continue the tradition. He pulled Raphael aside and explained his concerns, who nodded and surprised him by saying he and Leo had already discussed it. While it was still uncomfortable, Leo and Raph made sure they were surreptitiously placed between Donnie and Mikey as much as possible.

Donnie relaxed the most in the evenings, when Mikey would be distracted with Halo or Team Fortress 2 with Raphael. He still enjoyed watching them play, listening to their snarly curses and gleeful cheers of victory, curled against Leo's side on the couch. The normality of the nights picked at his sanity, his mind a circling round of self-doubt and reassurances.

He glanced at the calendar by his bed as he laid down. Seven days. It had been a week since the incident, and Mikey was starting to get very concerned. He'd picked up on the tension, and as a result had become clingy and worried. He asked several times a day if he could help with more than just the lair work, and Donnie's mind balked at the implications of the statement.

Closing his eyes, he concentrated on his breathing, each breath slower than the last. He consciously relaxed every muscle in his body, starting from his feet.

Completely relaxed, his breathing easy and silent, keeping his mind purposefully blank he lay there, waiting for sleep.

Thirty minutes. He turned over.

An hour. He grabbed an extra blanket, feeling chilled.

Two. He counted backwards from three thousand.

_Three. _Donnie groaned, throwing his tangled blankets from body and sitting up. He dug his heels into his eyes, breathing through his mouth as he pushed the panic back. It couldn't be happening again. Not this soon. He was just stressed, that was it. On edge and worried.

He glanced around the lab, the stark loneliness hitting him in a rush. His feet hit the floor with a small scuffle, and he snuck to the door, peering anxiously out. It was dark and quiet, as expected, and he slipped past the door, down the hallway and slowly, slowly up the stairs. He tiptoed by Mikey's door, smiling in relief as he carefully opened the next one down and stepped in.

"Leo?" he whispered. "Leo?" He ran a hand gingerly across the futon, frowning when he felt the crisp, flattened sheets. Where was he? Had he passed him in the dojo?

No matter. Raph was next door. He quickly turned the doorknob so it wouldn't squeak, then rushed inside.

"Hey Raph? Do you mind-,"

The hammock was empty.

Donnie blinked rapidly as he frowned. Where were both his brothers this late at night? Whatever it was had to be important, he knew, but he couldn't repress a small shudder of hurt that they weren't where they were supposed to be. They weren't here for him like they should've been, like they said they would.

He turned toward the door, then froze as a soft scrape reached his ears. His tired mind screamed profanities as he fought to register the sound. A footfall. It was definitely a footfall. Gripped with an unnamable fear, he skittered backwards into the corner under the hammock, hiding in the shadows.

Silence for another few breaths, then Donnie heard it again, closer. Was it Mikey? Had he gotten out of bed? Did someone know _he _was out of bed? Was it Raph coming back to his room? Donnie desperately hoped it was the latter.

He breathed a sigh of relief when the door swung open quickly, and Raphael's stocky shadow entered. Donnie opened his mouth to greet him, then paused when he noted Leo's slender form follow after closing the door silently.

He watched their shadows dance together, eventually tripping and falling back onto a pile of blankets, and he sighed inwardly. Another argument? _Now?_ What were they fighting about this time, and with so few words?

There was a low rumble, and Donnie froze again. His breath caught in his throat as he peered more closely at the wrestling pair.

Raphael sank his teeth into Leo's shoulder, and Leo's churr, though muffled, was distinct.

Donatello was too shocked to stifle his gasp, and his stomach twisted when Leo's dark eyes snapped to his, widening in surprise.


	8. Chapter 8

Insomnia  
>Chapter Eight<p>

It was mere seconds, but they felt like they took minutes as Donnie stared at Leo, and Leo stared back.

How long has this been going on?

Leo and _Raph?_ Seriously?

Why were they doing this?

Why did part of him not want them to stop?

Was _this _why Mikey had- had-

Donnie screamed at his legs to move, to get him up and out the door and back to the safety of the lab, but his body refused. He gulped air instead, not bothering to try to calm his racing heart.

Leo struggled to sit up, but Raphael yanked him back down.

"Hell no, ya ain't goin' nowhere," Raphael growled lowly, and Donnie shivered in spite of himself at the stark lust in his voice. "I won, I'm on top, an' I know ya like-,"

Leo thrashed again, finally breaking free to crawl toward him. "_Shut up,_ Raph. Don's in here."

"…Huh?" Raphael rubbed his face vigorously, then gasped as he caught sight of Donnie's shadow within a shadow. "What the hell?"

Leo stopped a few feet away from him, holding out a hand peaceably. "Don?" he said gently. "Don, five minutes. Could you give me five minutes to listen to us?"

Donnie shook his head, pressing his shell painfully into the brick wall.

"Don- Ohfuck-," Raphael scrambled over, but Leo pushed him back angrily.

"Don't crowd him," he snapped.

"Fuck you," Raphael sighed, then bit his lip as he chuckled softly.

"_Not_ the time," Leo retorted sharply. "Don? Five minutes, please?"

Donnie _really _wanted to know, he wanted answers, no more lies. But that nagging fear was rapidly overcoming his curiosity. "N-No, I just want to-,"

"Don." Raphael's eyes blazed with intensity, and Donnie quieted. "What're ya doin' in here anyway? You okay? I- I mean besides- Well, y'know. You okay?"

"C-Can't sleep, a-and I came looking for one of y-you and you weren't here." He took a deep breath, cowering closer to the wall when Leo reached for him instinctively. "Don't touch me!"

"I'm sorry, Don," Leo said quietly, his eyes pained. "I'm so sorry you found out this way. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Donnie's eyes narrowed as he gripped the bricks in the wall, inching his way toward the door. "And how was it _supposed _to be? _Were _you going to tell me? When?"

"I wanted to tell ya weeks ago," Raphael sniffed, and Leo tossed him a glare over his shoulder. "But Mr. Emo here didn't wanna-,"

"It's not that I _didn't_ want to," Leo snapped. "I didn't want to _right then_." He turned back to Donnie with a sigh, resting back on his legs in a kneeling position. "But we had both agreed last week, and then…"

Donnie shuddered again. "You- You put that idea in Mikey's head, didn't you? He- He _knows,_ and-,"

"I don't know," Leo whispered, and he looked so sad, so _broken_ that Donnie nearly stumbled in his slow slide toward the exit. "I'm worried that we might've influenced him somehow."

"So- So that's why you've been helping me," Donnie gasped, surprised at the intense hurt welling in him from Leo's confession. "You feel _guilty._"

"No- Well, perhaps somewhat, at least on my part," Leo admitted softly. "_If _he knows. But, Don-,"

"No." Donnie shook his head, his hand scrabbling for the doorknob.

"Its _way_ more 'n that," Raphael growled angrily, half-rising to stop him.

"What does _that _mean?" Donnie asked nervously. He pulled the door open a few inches.

"It means you should come sit with us, Don, because we'd like to talk to you," Leo said evenly, his dark eyes wide and imploring. He gestured at the floor in front of him, but Donnie shook his head again.

"No."

"Dammit, Don, this is hard for us too," Raphael said sharply. "Now come here an' sit."

The harsh timbre of Raphael's demand sent a shiver down his spine, curling pleasurably in his tail; but at that momentary feeling, the panic surged again.

"No! Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't talk to me!" Donnie bolted from the room, not bothering to close the door behind him as he fled down the stairs and into the comforting familiarity of his lab. He locked the door, then crossed his arms over his chest, gripping his biceps as he slowly slid to the floor.

How had he missed this? He was supposed to be the intellect of the four; why hadn't he noticed before now? He knew, just _knew,_ that Mikey knew.

But had that been the motivation behind his intrusion? Or was it misguidance, like he'd thought?

Why _Leo and Raph_, of all of them? They fought and swore and resented everything the other one did. Why _them?_

Why did Donnie care so much about that?

He buried his face in his hands, letting his body shake with the stress. He wasn't stupid, as he'd told Raphael. He'd thought of them before in a less-than-brotherly way. Mostly deep in the night, when the dark and silence hid the heat on his cheeks and shame in his hand. But he'd never considered actually discussing it with one of them.

And yet, he realized with a start, he'd also known it was inevitable. So… Why _hadn't_he talked to one of them? Logically, it made sense; even moreso after tonight.

He hadn't wanted them to stop. He gasped softly as he replayed Leo's churr in his mind, reexamining what he'd thought had been punches that had actually been gropes and touches.

So why hadn't he told them how he felt in Raph's room?

Donnie wiped his face, angry when he felt the moisture on his fingers. He curled further on the ground, unwilling to walk the few feet to his bed. He was scared; scared to move, scared to think… But mostly scared that there'd be no room for him in their lives now.


	9. Chapter 9

Insomnia  
>Chapter Nine<p>

Donnie jerked, half-asleep on the floor, when someone scratched at the lab door. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up stiffly.

"Leave me alone," Donnie said groggily. "I do _not _want to talk to you."

"Why not?" The voice was muffled, but the whine was distinctly Mikey. Donatello groaned, clutching his head, wincing as a headache throbbed behind his eyes. Could the night get any worse?

"Donnie? Donnie? C'mon, Donnie, lemme in."

"Why not?" Donatello muttered, clicking the lock open and slumping against the ground again. "Just d-don't lock the door behind you."

"You locked it," Mikey said quizzically, kneeling by him. "Donnie, you're going to tell me what weirdness you got going on. There's something, and I know it, and I know that _you_ know that _I_ know. It's driving me crazy, so just talk already!"

"Don't touch me," Donnie hissed, flinching from his hand as if burned.

"Donnie." Mikey frowned as he leaned back. "Fine, have your personal space, but you need to explain what's going on." His stern expression softened as he added, "…Please?"

Donnie sighed inwards; he wasn't ready to confront Mikey, not yet. Besides, Leo had told him that he would be the one to talk to Mikey unless Donnie wanted to. Donnie had been more than happy to leave that responsibility of breaking the ice to Leo.

_Leo._ Perfect. It wouldn't be a lie.

His hands curled into fists at his side, and he leaned his head back against the cool concrete with a grimace. "I found out about Leo and Raph."

"…Oh." Mikey's expression was that of perfect shock; and yet Donnie still didn't know if it was real or acted. "I totally understand, bro. I envy you being down here in the lab," he added wistfully.

Donnie watched him carefully; his reply hadn't given Donnie any clue as to what he assumed they were talking about. Mikey might be trying to fish for information, but Donnie wouldn't be fooled. He and Leo played verbal games like this quite often- he was both intelligent and skilled at wordplay.

"Why me?" Donnie asked quietly, rubbing his temples in slow circles.

Mikey rolled his eyes. "Duhh, 'cause they think they're so quiet and subtle. Dude. They wake me up every time. And they fuck like rabbits, so I don't get a lotta sleep anymore."

Okay, so Mikey knew.

"I- I don't know how I missed this," Donnie admitted, slouching closer to the wall. "When did you find out?"

Mikey snorted, causing Donnie to give a small empty smile. "I just told you. They're _loud._ 'Specially when it's Leo's night. I think they got Leo nights and Raph nights, y'know? Like, uh, who's on top kinda deal."

"R-Really?" Raphael's words rushed through his mind again, _I won, I'm on top_. He couldn't suppress a shiver at the idea.

"How'd you find out?" Mikey glanced at him with sad, full eyes, already guessing the answer, and Donnie nodded.

"I… kinda walked in on them."

"Poor Donnie. No wonder you've been so weird. They have been too, actually." He tilted his head, thinking. "They've been, like, super clingy and stuff. I wonder why? Are they trying to apologize or something?"

"I don't know," Donnie replied honestly.

Mikey fidgeted with his belt ties, his gaze sliding to the side. "You ever thought about that? What they do?"

"Of course I have, Mikey," Donnie said, forcing his voice to remain even. "I'm only human, as the saying goes."

"I mean… with one of us?" Mikey peered shyly at him.

Donnie counted five breaths before replying. "Yes, Mikey. I'm also aware of our… unique position."

"Oh, well that's good," Mikey said in relief. "So it wasn't, like, a total _total s_hock then."

"…Still was, pretty much," Donnie muttered.

"You okay?" He reached for Donnie's fist, then paused.

"Just want to be left alone, Mikey."

Mikey huffed, his blue eyes narrowing with a pout. "I don't think sulking in the lab is gonna do you much good."

"Yes it will," Donnie snapped, reaching up to open the door. "Now go."

"But- But Donnie," Mikey whined as he reluctantly got to his feet. "I really don't wanna hear 'em. Can't I stay here, like, ten more minutes? Wait, it's a Leo night. Fifteen minutes?"

Donnie blinked as his mind raced. Sessions lasted longer when Leo was on bottom? Did that mean Raphael had more stamina?

He felt heat on his cheeks. Why was he trying to figure that out in front of _Mikey?_

"Out!" Donnie shoved on his legs, nearly buckling Mikey on top of him. "Out out _out!_" He crowded Mikey out the door, slamming it shut mid-protest and locking it again. He ran his hands along the cool steel, alarmed to feel how warm his palms were. In fact, _all _of him was warm, especially his lower half. It reminded him that he hadn't touched himself in nearly two weeks, and as soon as he thought it, he couldn't _not _think about it. Even after all that had happened tonight- maybe _because _of it?

He shook his head, trying to clear it. A cold shower would help, but he'd have to make absolutely sure everyone was asleep. That would save him from having to shower with everyone the next day anyway. He shuffled to his bed, dropping on it wearily as he grabbed his alarm clock, set it to go off in an hour, and promptly fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Insomnia  
>Chapter Ten<p>

If Donnie thought the last week had been strange, the next one was downright painful. His personal space had increased to at least five feet on all sides, which made training extremely difficult. Leo appeared unsure of who to team Donnie with, obviously considering the lesser of evils, and eventually left Raph and Mike to their own practice to focus on Donnie himself. Even though he was still upset, Donnie appreciated the decision immensely, as Leo was always all business in the dojo, and never allowed any of their personal life to enter the dojo with him. But Donnie also had more trouble pairing off with Leo, because his brother's grunts and cries of battle was dangerously close to the forbidden, wanton churr he'd heard. For the first time in years, Donnie only barely kept up with practice, constantly distracted.

Outside the dojo, though, Donnie could tell Leo was greatly torn between approaching him and keeping his distance. He had asked Donnie if they could talk the morning after, very quiet and hesitant and almost shy, and Donnie had refused with a shake of his head. He needed time, he told Leo, and time away from any of his brothers. Leo respected that, and seemingly made Raphael respect it as well, as they only talked to him out of necessity.

Speaking of Raphael, he was inconsolable, surprising Donnie with the sheer amount of unveiled rage he wore about him like a cloak. It wasn't directed at him, as far as he could tell, but it was still worrisome. Donnie's mind had become a loop of the conversation he and Leo and Raph had had that night, and any angry outburst from Raphael brought the gruff, demanding tone he'd used with Leo to the forefront of Donnie's mind, crumbling his mental defenses enough to where Donnie had to leave the room.

As if that weren't enough, Mikey was still all bright and anxious and clingy. He apparently considered Donnie his new confidant, dropping barely-concealed hints and comments behind Leo and Raph's back. In a weird way, Donnie felt the same, and finally began enjoying Mikey's company again- at least in small moments when Mikey wasn't breaking anything or rambling incoherently.

The night was the worst, though; worse than Leo's wistful glances and Raphael's shouting and Mikey's knowing smirks. When he was left alone to his circling thoughts and flooded emotions, he was alarmed to discover he had very few mental defenses left. Everything was snowballing, every look, every word, every touch was stoking a fire in Donnie's mind and body, too fast and too powerful for him to break apart and analyze.

Just a week ago he'd been deathly afraid of Mikey touching him; now he craved Leo and Raph's attention and hugs and punches and touches. And more. There _had _to be something wrong with him.

He was developing a new ritual in the late night showers he sneaked. Trying to avoid any thought of Leo and Raph seemed to only do the exact opposite; the more he struggled to blank his mind, the louder Leo's churr and Raphael's voice were inside his head. The second he relaxed, let himself enjoy the memories for a guilty moment, he'd find himself braced against the wall, hot and hard in his hand as he stroked and pleasured himself, unable to hide own churrs and pants.

Then he'd sink to the tiled floor, ashamed as he buried his face in his hands. Leo and Raph were _together. _They'd left him to _Mikey,_ though they hadn't known at the time what Mikey was… capable of. But still.

It was one such night that he found himself, gasping and spent, leaning against one of the stalls for support when the bathroom door creaked open. His mind shrieked curses in his head as he heard Leo's concerned tone and Raphael's rumbling answer as they walked in. Once again, Donnie scrambled silently into a corner, humiliated and terrified this was happening _yet again_.


	11. Chapter 11

Insomnia  
>Chapter Eleven<p>

Donnie lowered his eyes to his feet, debating on whether to cover his ears as well. Three minutes of watching Leo and Raph had given him too much ammunition for his overactive imagination- he really didn't need more. But as he was raising his hands, he heard the snap of anger in their voices, and he mentally kicked himself as he strained to listen.

"You know, Raph, this isn't just about you," Leo growled, sliding his armbands off and throwing them against the ground with a wet slap. The sound made Donnie panic yet again; surely they'd notice the flooded tiles at their feet? They'd realize the shower had been on just moments ago from the residual heat? Oh god.

"Like hell it ain't," Raphael snarled as he savagely twisted the shower knobs, hissing when the hot water hit his skin. "I _told_ you we shoulda told him weeks ago. Fuckin' _weeks_ ago. So this little shithole you dragged us in is all yer fault."

Donnie hid a gasp as Leo charged him, slamming Raphael into the wall and pinning him there, yanking his head back roughly with fingers tangled in the red bandana.

"Don't keep putting this all on me," Leo snapped. "It is _not_ my fault if I was not prepared to talk about this to anyone else yet, and I am _fed up_ with you acting like it is. As you're so fond of reminding me, I _did_ start this, and I intend to continue it on my own terms. And if that doesn't agree with _your_ plans, well…" Leo brought a hand up, rubbing his forefinger and thumb together in circles. "Guess what this is, Raph? The world's smallest violin playing _My Heart Pumps Purple Piss For You_."

Donnie did bring his hands up then, burying his face in them as his shoulders shook with repressed laughter. He was both surprised and pleased when he heard the low rumble of Raphael's laughter.

"Shit, Leo, how the fuck d'ya do that?"

"Do what?" Leo hissed angrily, shoving Raphael's chest harder into the wall. "If you're mocking me…"

Raphael craned his head back further, resting it heavily in Leo's palm. "Nah. Hell, I love gettin' ya to the point yer gonna explode. Yer too goddamn sexy when yer like that to stay mad at'cha."

Donatello immediately, though silently, agreed. The slant of Leo's body against Raphael's, the way his legs pressed against Raphael's, one arm cradling his head and the other locking down his wrists, the rare uncontrolled fury twisting his features- it _was_ goddamn sexy. Donnie felt himself twitch as a new emotion crawled down his spine. The sudden flare of jealousy stunned him with its intensity- _he_ wanted to be where Raphael was, to feel Leo's rough-padded hands straining against his skin, his hot breath on his cheek as he rubbed away any claim Mikey had on him.

Donnie froze, his chest tightening as he squeezed his eyes shut.  
>Was <em>that <em>it?

Was _that_ why he was so obsessed with Leo and Raph?

Were they just tools to invalidate and erase what Mikey had done to him?

The humiliation of earlier flooded back, roiling in his stomach as it built on itself. He felt himself shaking again, this time from the shameful possibilities crowding his mind. He was far, far from his centre, he needed to focus and stop the ring of self-conscious thoughts before he gave himself away.

He eased an eye open, and immediately regretted it- well, almost. Raphael's head had been tugged to the side, Leo's mouth sealed over his in a forceful kiss. Donnie watched in fascination as Raphael's hands alternatively fisted and flattened against the wall, as Leo's tail began to tremble excitedly.

Just when Donnie was scared he wouldn't be able to hold back the growing whimper in his throat, Leo stepped away, steadying Raphael as he slumped from the sudden absence.

"Wh-What the h-hell, Leo?" Raphael panted as he twisted and rested his shell against the wall.

"Not in here," Leo replied placidly, though Donnie could tell he was having trouble breathing evenly.

"You- You fucking _tease,_" Raphael sputtered, grabbing Leo's hand and jerking him to his chest. "Ya can't get me all hot 'n bothered then say that."

"…I just did," Leo chuckled, shoving Raphael away from him and stepping back under the spray.

"But I _wanna,_" Raphael said, his voice lowering to a rumbling purr. "C'mon. It's three a.m. No one's up." He nuzzled his face against Leo's neck, closing his eyes against the steamy water. The small rivulets trailing down their skin made Donnie's breath catch in his throat. "C'mon. I'll even let ya be on top, since ya started it tonight."

Leo shivered briefly before replying. "How many times do I have to tell you, not unless we're behind a locked door?"

Raphael's grin widened. "I'll use our secret weapon. Bet you'll drop down for me then."

"_No,_" Leo retorted sharply, biting his lower lip. "Not in here, Raph, I _mean_ it-,"

"That beautiful soft skin," Raphael churred, running his leg up Leo's. "Damn, it'd look good against yer colourin', wouldn't it? Those big pretty doe eyes lookin' up at'cha while suckin' you off? Wait, I know. How 'bout tyin' him up to his own bo an' watchin' him pant an' squirm while we-,"

"No!" Leo brought his arms up and shoved Raphael away from him again, his dark eyes narrowed.

Donnie started shaking again. They were talking about him. They were talking _about him_. Donatello. _Him._ They were using him to arouse each other _sexually_. He was torn between horror and relief. How long had they been doing _that?_

He suddenly, fiercely agreed with Raphael. _Why hadn't they told him?_

"I- I…" Leo glanced away, and Donnie could see the frank sadness lining his face. "We have to accept the fact that he may be… be beyond our grasp, now. Not after what happened."

"…It was an accident," Raphael grumbled, and Leo arched a brow at him.

"You ride me hard about this all week, and now you're sympathetic? Will you make up your damn mind?"

Raphael sighed, wiping his face with a hand irritably. "Look, I'm just- I'm just as pissed as you are 'bout it. I don't wanna think we ruined any chance we got with him."

Donnie was alarmed as he felt his body uncurling, his mouth opening, as if it were a puppet whose strings were being pulled.

"You haven't," he whispered, his low voice echoing around the bathroom, cutting even through the harsh spray of the water.

Leo and Raph jumped guiltily, staring at him in astonishment.


	12. Chapter 12

Insomnia  
>Chapter Twelve<p>

Donnie gave a small, nervous smile, his brief confidence wilting under the widened stares. "Kinda proud of myself, you know? I've gotten the drop on _both_ of you in a week. Heh." He frowned, biting his lip. "B-But it's not my fault, you keep walking in on _me._"

"You- You've been there the _entire time?_" Leo breathed incredulously.

"…Yes. Finished my shower a-and you walked in and…"

"For fuck's sake." Raphael shook his head, spraying water droplets. "And- And I thought Leo was a real creeper. Turnin' out to be a stalker there, Don."

"We thought you were finished," Leo said quickly- too quickly. "We heard the shower turn off and waited ten minutes and… Why were you still in here?"

Donnie took a cautious step toward them. "I was- I was- just… thinking. Resting. W-Warm in here. F-Feels nice."

"Why didn't you say something?" Leo said sharply, sighing when Donnie flinched at his tone. "I'm sorry, Donnie. But why didn't you just… leave? Or let us know you were there, we would've left you to your privacy." He glanced quickly at Raphael with wide eyes. "We never would've done anything in front of you."

"I know. I was…" Donnie took a steadying breath before continuing. "I was scared. I've been very conflicted lately and I'm rather tired and-," Donnie's shoulders slumped gently. "I'm just not thinking clearly."

Leo opened his mouth, but Raphael nudged him to interuppt. "'Kay, hang on. Enough explainin' an' shit. Back up an' repeat whatcha said a minute ago?"

Donnie's eyes darted back and forth between him. "I- I finished my shower? I've been here s-since you walked in?"

Leo's eyes narrowed in recognition. "Yes, Don. _Before _that."

"Oh. Okay. Um." Donnie gestured uselessly, at a loss for words. He finally licked his lips nervously, attempting another smile.

Leo and Raphael exchanged a pointed glance before simultaneously taking a step toward him.

"Don?" Raphael rumbled, and Donnie blinked back at him.

"Y-Yes?"

"Can we crowd you for a moment?" Leo asked quietly.

Donnie paused, his mind racing yet again. "I- I don't know. I don't know what to think. I don't know how I feel; about you, about-,"

"Yo, Don." Raphael gave him a sly smile. "Didja want us to keep goin'? Were you wantin' to watch?"

"Raph," Leo snapped. "Slow down."

"Hey, he said-,"

"I know," Leo sighed.

"I'm sick of you doin' all the drivin'," Raphael snarled.

Donnie fidgeted, clicking his nails repeatedly. "Guys? Hello?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, Don," Leo said with a wry smile. "Raph doesn't have the clearest head when he's, uh, excited."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "You can make _anything_ sound _not_ sexy."

"Will you shut your mouth for five seconds?" Leo growled, shoving him roughly. "Now. Don. As you were saying…?"

Donnie spoke in a rush, desperate to finish his thought. "I'm worried that I'm attracted to you both- and this situation- because I want to forget what Mikey did to me."

Raphael snorted, and Leo glared at him. "C'mon, Don, ya told me ya already thought of us like this 'fore _that _happened. Right?"

Raphael had a point. "Well, that _is_ true," Don admitted.

"Was it either of us?" Leo asked anxiously, and Donnie nodded vigorously.

Donnie's gaze slid to the side, flushing slightly. "All three of you, b-but mostly just you two."

Leo ignored Raphael's elbow that was digging into his side as his smile widened. "Don, we both talked about it-,"

"_Long _an' _hard,_" Raphael smirked, and Donnie couldn't help but chuckle at the innuendo.

"For chrissake's, Raph, will you _stop_ hitting on him and let me talk?" Leo retorted, exasperated. "We both talked, and we both agreed we wanted to bring you into this. But I had my reservations, and I- I forced us to wait."

Raphael sighed, crossing his arms. "'Kay, Leo, look, I've kicked yer shell enough 'bout that. Don't ya start now."

Leo took a deep breath. "Don, we- we both love you. And we've found another way to- to express that. And we both want you to join us, if you're interested."

"I'd say ya are, ain't'cha, Don?" Raphael grinned, then huffed when Leo punched his arm.

"Leo, stop," Donnie said shakily. "I- I don't mind. I like it. I'm just embarrassed."

"I know, that's why I'm telling him to _slow down,_" Leo replied, directing the last two words at Raphael. Raphael just grinned back. "Don? Don. Look at me."

Donnie stared back at him, feeling a tiny frisson crawl over his skin. Leo's gaze was piercing, his smile soft and inviting. "Y-Yes?"

"If you are interested, we're going to do this exactly like Raph and I did. Slow. No pressure. No rush. Do you understand?"

Donnie bit his lower lip, his eyes darting to where they had been standing moments ago. He didn't want slow. He wanted to be trapped between them both like Raph had been pinned to the wall-

"Don?" Leo's anxious tone cut through his thoughts, and he nodded rapidly again, refocusing on Leo's dark eyes.

"I am. I _am_ interested, I _have_ been, I just… I never thought of actually talking to you." He gave them a shy smile. "You're a lot braver than I."

Leo took a step closer. "Then… Can I- _we_ touch you? Remember. We're going to take it sl-,"

"Fuck that," Raphael muttered, his amber eyes dancing as he leaned closer to Donnie. He nuzzled his nose in the crook of Donnie's neck. "I want a taste. Don't'cha want a taste, Leo?"

"Raph!" Donnie stiffened as Raphael's lips slid wetly along his skin. He had to force himself to not twitch away from the touch- he liked it, he decided, but it was so sudden.

"Are you okay?" Leo brushed his fingers gently on Donnie's shoulder; a caring touch, not suggestive, and Donnie relaxed.

"Yes. It's alright." He stared boldly back at Leo. "I want to forget, Leo. I want to have memories of your hands on me, n-not Mikey's. Please."

Leo's eyes were nearly black with emotion, and Donnie watched in fascination as he unconsciously licked his lips. Then Raphael's tongue found the pulse in his neck, and his knees wobbled.

"Are you sure, Don?" Leo asked quietly.

"Y-Yes. _Please,_ Leo," Donnie whispered. "I want to explore this w-with both of you." He gasped when Leo moaned softly and curled around his other side, his hands petting his shell and plastron as he trailed hungry kisses along Donnie's collarbone.


	13. Chapter 13

Insomnia  
>Chapter Thirteen<p>

When Donnie felt Leo's teeth scrape against his neck, he stumbled, his hands gripping their arms for stability. Raphael pulled his head back, his amber eyes serious.

"Y'okay, Don? Wanna sit?"

"I-I think that would be best," Donnie panted. His slitted gaze fell on the still-running shower, and he felt a smile tugging at his mouth. "Or…"

"Or?" Leo prompted, rubbing his cheek against Donnie's as he hugged him fiercely.

"I- Well, I-," Donnie stuttered, "Um, like how Raph w-was earlier?" The twin chuckles at his throat made him gasp.

"I think we can be accommodating," Leo purred, gently guiding them back into the corner. "But if you feel trapped, let us know, alright?"

Donnie swallowed hard, nodding.

"That _was_ hot earlier, wasn't it?" Raphael grinned against Donnie's shoulder. "It's hard to get Leo goin' sometimes, but when ya do…"

"Shut up," Leo murmured between leaving a trail of kisses up Donnie's neck.

Donnie closed his eyes to better concentrate on the feel of their mouths and hands on his body. He had touched himself, imagining it was someone else, many times; the reality was infinitely better. Their legs tangled with his, their weight pressing his shell gently into the wall, their rough hands dug needily into his skin. And if that weren't more than enough, their sounds were _so_ much better than he remembered. The happy sighs and whimpers from Leo, the quiet grunts of satisfaction from Raphael, their plastrons making a soft _chink_ when they connected and _oh god Leo was licking the edge of his mouth_-

"Hell no, Leo," Raphael grumbled, shoving Leo's face away from Donnie's. "I get his first kiss."

Leo frowned as his fingers curled possessively around Donnie's neck. "And why do you think that?"

"Ya got mine," Raphael grumbled. "So I get his."

"…You got mine too, you know," Leo said dryly, and Raphael scowled at him.

"Whateva. Point is, he's _mine_. C'mere, Don." He reached over to tilt his face toward him, but Leo's hand gripped his wrist.

"I am the eldest," Leo said, in a low, dangerous tone. "And if I have to pull rank, I'll do it. You know I will."

"Fuck your rank and fuck you, Leo," Raphael grinned, tugging insistently. "I'm gonna be his first." He lowered his head, licking his lips suggestively. "His first _everything._"

Leo actually _growled,_ his eyes glittering with challenge, and Donnie held up his hands between them, his cheeks flushed darkly.

"Guys? Uh, really, it's nothing to fight over-,"

"'Course ya are," Raphael said gruffly. "It's- Well, ya won't never forget it an' I think I-,"

Leo's fingers tilted Donnie's chin toward him, claiming his mouth with his own, and Raphael began swearing loudly in Donnie's ear. Donnie gasped as Leo slanted their lips together, and Donnie couldn't stop the low moan from escaping him. At the small encouragement, Leo's tongue flickered along his lower lip, and Donnie willingly parted them. His hands scrabbled at Leo's shell, desperate to pull him closer as Leo's wet tongue explored his mouth, curling lovingly around his own before sliding along his teeth.

Donnie's eyes rolled in the back of his head when he felt Raphael nibbling and biting at his neck. Their hands, their sounds, their blessed tongues- it was sensory overload, and Donnie pushed back gently on Leo's chest. Leo immediately broke the kiss, both of them breathless.

"D-Definitely memorable," Donnie said shyly, pleased to see Leo's grin.

"Fine," Raphael muttered, tilting his head to lick at the underside of Donnie's chin. "You win this round, Leo. But ya know what this means."

"What? What?" Donnie panted, curious.

Raphael's grin widened. "I get to suck 'im off first."

Leo shoved his face in Raphael's. "No!"

"Oh yeah," Raphael chuckled darkly.

Donnie's mind spun, heady with hormones and half-formed thoughts. "I don't- I- I don't-,"

"Not tonight," Raphael added hastily, his fingers soothing the back of his head. "No. Not tonight. It's wheneva ya want. Tomorrow, week from now, months from now. S'all good, Don."

"Seems you've regained your common sense," Leo sniffed, laughing when Raphael threw him a lazy punch. "Anyway. No more fooling around in here." He held up a hand at the other's immediate protest. "Let's wash up and pick a room with a lock, first."

"I hate it when he's right," Raphael muttered, pushing away from the wall and pulling Donnie with him.

Leo leaned into Don's other side with a wink. "But you could help us wash, Don. If you want to."

"Yes, yes." Donnie hesitated, staring at the wall where Leo had pinned Raphael. "I- I want to do everything."

"Not tonight, you aren't," Leo said evenly, giving Donnie's neck one last nuzzle before stepping away to adjust the shower's heat.

"I'm with Leo on this one," Raphael said firmly. "But- Hey, but y'know, Leo…"

"Hm?"

"He could watch," Raphael grinned, and Leo gave them a devious smile over his shell.

Donnie's grip tightened on Raphael's arm- just the thought of such a sight made him sway on his feet. "Yes, please? Leo, please?"

"Oh, _please,_ even," Raphael praised, running his fingers down Donnie's side. "Damn, he's already half-trained."

"He's not a _dog, _Raph," Leo sighed, glaring at him once again.

Donnie hid his face against Raphael's shoulder to muffle his laughter.


	14. Chapter 14

Insomnia  
>Chapter Fourteen<p>

"Thought ya said no more foolin' around," Raphael grinned lazily as Leo held out a sponge to Donnie.

"We're just_ showering,_" Leo said coyly, then arched a brow at Donnie, who hadn't moved. "Don? Did you want to assist?"

Donnie fidgeted, his hands fluttering as he tried to decide. He _wanted_ to; there was no question of that. But- But beyond desperate grabs and clawing at their shells moments ago, he hadn't touched them like _this,_ with this intimate meaning. Their touches and burning gazes were doing much to ease his anxiety, but to then participate on an active level…

He was relieved to see only curiosity in their eyes as he looked up. "I- I will watch for now. And learn for next time?"

"Like the way ya think," Raphael sniggered. "Damn, who'da thought little Donnie'd be a voyeur?"

"You _are _fun to watch," Leo replied with a sly smile as he began soaping the sponge.

Donnie opened his mouth, then clamped it shut, biting his lip. It was the perfect opening to agree, to compliment them _both,_ but he felt painfully shy again. He knew he could easily get used to the passive stance of receiving their compliments and touches, and he _wanted_ to return it, but… He was at a complete loss as to what to do or say. The few comments that popped into his head sounded stilted and downright _silly_, and to actually reach out and touch _them _required him to cross that invisible barrier from _taker_ to _giver._

He did his best to push back the rising tide of anxious _What if…?_ questions that pelted his mind. He was certain he was overcompensating, since he didn't have the time to think it over properly. Maybe they were right; maybe just touches and teases and watching was enough for tonight.

Once again, he used their voices as a focus; smiling and giggling at their half-serious banter as Leo pushed and bullied Raph into different positions to wash him. Leo splayed his hands, crushing the sponge against Raphael's skin to allow his fingers as much contact as possible. Occasionally his tongue lapped at the rinsing water, grinning when Raphael's sentences melted into a lustful moan.

Raphael churred his approval when Leo's hands ghosted over the end of his plastron, though he gripped one of his wrists to make Leo pause.

"If ya get it out, it ain't goin' back in. Not in _there,_ anyhow," Raphael rumbled, and Leo leaned his head against his leg, laughing.

"A valid point… I suppose this is why we take showers _after._"

"Ch'yeah," Raphael snorted. "An' speakin' of after… We're done here." He snatched the sponge from Leo's grip and tossed it at Donnie, who caught it easily, staring back with wide eyes. "We're takin' this to my room, _now._"

"But-," Donnie protested, gesturing at Leo, but Raphael shook his head.

"Later. Can't wait anymore." He reached over and pulled on Donnie's arm insistently.

Donnie resisted for a second instinctively- they all planted their feet solidly on the ground when one of their brothers tried to push them around- but quickly relaxed, twiddling the shower knobs off before allowing Raphael to press him to his side.

"I see how it is," Leo muttered, grabbing a towel and hurling it toward Raphael's face. "You're all clean, so you want to get on with it and fall asleep after- like you always do- while I still have to shower."

"Sounds 'bout right," Raphael nodded, grinning as Donnie hid his laughter against his shoulder. "Hang on; lemme make sure the coast is clear." He slid over to the door, peering out cautiously.

"We're going to _my_ room, by the way," Leo remarked casually, then started when Donnie wrapped his hands around his arm.

"C-Could we go to the lab?" Donnie asked hesitantly. "I want- I would feel more comfortable there. If you don't mind? Please?"

Leo nodded quickly as Raphael walked back to them.

"_Damn_, Don…" Raphael breathed, nuzzling his shoulder, "ya say _please_ like that an' we'll do whatever the fuck you want."

"Wh-Why?" Donnie stuttered, blinking rapidly as he was pressed into Leo's chest by Raphael's kisses.

"It's _very_ sexy," Leo purred in his ear. "Now follow me." He ran a hand over Raphael's head before turning away. "You're still wet."

Raphael scowled. "So?"

"You're going to leave a trail," Leo said evenly, though his eyes were bright with merriment.

"Oh for the love of- Hang on." He grabbed Leo's towel and rubbed his head vigorously over his skull. "Better?"

"It'll have to do," Leo sighed dramatically, then held up a hand when Raphael began cursing at him. "Silently and quickly." He slipped through the door, and Donnie and Raph followed. They made it without incident into the lab, and Donnie hurriedly locked the door behind them.

"Wait…" Donnie tilted his head as a thought struck him. He turned, gesturing to gain their attention, and was amused to see they had already claimed opposite ends of his bed. "How long have you two been together?"

"About three months, I think," Leo replied, patting the space between them invitingly.

"Nearly eleven weeks," Raphael corrected with a grumble, leaning back on his arms and looking at the wall steadily.

Leo lolled his head to the side, his smile crinkling his eyes.

"Well, isn't that a role reversal," Donnie said dryly, and they chuckled. "So… So that's right about the time you two stopped having those extreme arguments."

"Yeah," Raphael said gruffly.

"So- how did this start?" Donnie asked as he settled between them. A flush crept up his face when they immediately curled possessively against his sides, their hands brushing and bumping each other's in their exploration.

"Ha ha, 'cause Leo's a sap," Raphael chuckled, and Leo rolled his eyes.

"It was a Friday evening," Leo said, leaning back to look at Donnie. "It was a rare night when we weren't arguing or upset about anything. It was quiet; I think you were with Master Splinter, and Mikey was wearing those- those large headphones you got for us, what are they-?"

"Noise cancelling headphones," Donnie nodded.

"Right. And Raph was tinkering in the garage, and, well, I was actually a bit bored." Leo chuckled, pausing to rub his cheek against Donnie's shoulder before continuing. "So I asked if he wanted to go for a run, just for fun."

"An' I'm always up for gettin' outta the lair," Raphael added, snorting. "I think he planned it all along."

"I _didn't,_" Leo protested, his eyes narrowing playfully. "I was so relieved it was a normal night, and I wanted to enjoy it. And enjoy it with someone, but the others were busy, so Raph and I headed to the rooftops. And we were running along our route, like we have hundreds of times before, but that night it was… different."

"How so?" Donnie asked curiously, then gasped when Raphael nibbled at the edge of his collarbone.

"He… _looked_ different to me," Leo said hesitantly, his brow furrowed. "His skin was nearly black and silver in the stark moonlight. The curve of his muscles…" He leaned closer to Donnie, running a hand lovingly over Raphael's arm, who flushed slightly. "The way he ran, the sound of his breathing. Everything was different."

"We ran for _hours,_" Raphael said quietly. "Went the patrol circuit twice 'fore we rested. An' I'm just standin' there, catchin' my breath as we're lookin' out over the city lights, and he asked me- get this- asked me if I hated him. Moron."

Leo huffed, hiding his face against Donnie's chest, and slowly, slowly he raised his hand and rested it on Leo's neck. That felt good. His fingers began gently kneading the muscles, and Leo gave an appreciative sigh. That sounded even better.

"I didn't know what else to ask. I didn't know how to interpret our behavior as of late. When he denied it, I told him we must _really_ hate each other, or _really_ love each other. And it hit me."

"Raph's fist?" Donnie giggled, pleased when Raphael roared with laughter, slumping against him.

"Nah, that was after he asked if he could kiss me," Raphael laughed.

"Y-You _did?_" Donnie gasped, and Leo nodded at them both.

"Yes. I wanted to see how much I loved him." Leo shrugged, jostling them. "And when I didn't throw a punch back, he knew I was serious. After some initial freaking out, he agreed. Just one." Leo gave him a smug smile. "Which turned into a full-blown make-out session for another whole hour."

"So we been seein' each other at night," Raphael murmured, a hand slipping down Donnie's chest, and his breathing hitched. "S'why I've been takin' so many naps in the afternoon."

"And why I fell asleep in meditation that once," Leo chuckled.

"_You_ fell asleep in _meditation?_" Donnie gaped at him, and Leo nodded back with serious eyes.

"I don't think anyone but sensei noticed- gods, that lecture was _not_ fun to-,"

Donnie jerked backwards with a strangled yelp as Raphael's fingers rubbed over his slit, and they froze.

"Don?" Leo said his name gently, immediately withdrawing his hands. Raphael did the same.

"I'm sorry," Donnie whispered, drawing his knees up to his chest as he pressed his shell against the wall.

"Don't _you_ be sorry, _I_ am," Raphael muttered. "What'd I do?"

"I don't want to- to be touched…" Donnie gestured vaguely between his legs, and the other two nodded.

"I'm so sorry, Don," Raphael said anxiously. "I shoulda asked first. M'really sorry. I won't do it again, 'kay?"

"It's okay," Donnie whispered, then took a steadying breath to clear the momentary panic.

Leo placed his hand on Donnie's thigh; the gentle, reassuring touch of a brother. "Would you like us to go, Don?"

"No!" Donnie shook his head, giving them a shy smile. "Do you know what I want?"

"That's kinda what we're askin'," Raphael prompted with a half-smile.

Donnie's chest tightened at their curious eyes. He could do this. He _should _say what he wanted. They deserved that much, at the least.

"I want you to do this in here," Donnie said quietly, his flush darkening his cheeks, "b-because I want my bed to- to smell like you."

"Ohshit," Raphael grinned. "No problem there, Don."

"You're certain?" Leo asked softly, squeezing Donnie's leg.

Donnie nodded, his smile widening. "_Please._"

With a low growl, Leo withdrew his hand and launched himself at Raphael, tackling him backwards and pinning him down with his weight. Donnie scooted closer, his eyes glued to Raphael's surprised expression, tempted to pet the battered arc of Leo's shell.

"Hey- Hang on-," Raphael sputtered, trying to roll them over.

"No complaining," Leo purred, nuzzling their noses together. "You told me in the shower that I could be on top."

"…Crap! Don, help me out here?" Raphael whined, struggling to push Leo away.

Leo glanced over, arching a brow at Donnie. "If you side with him, I'll never forgive you."

Donnie felt a thrill tingle down his spine- they were giving him so much power over them, it was both flattering and humbling. "Well, Leo, since you kept me late for practice yesterday-,"

"You weren't concentrating!" Leo interjected, his eyes widening.

Raphael began to snicker, sensing imminent victory.

"-And I've already seen you pin Raph tonight... You should swap up," Donnie chuckled.

Leo groaned as he allowed Raphael to roll him onto his back.


	15. Chapter 15

Insomnia  
>Chapter Fifteen<br>**Warning: explicit sexual turtlecest**

There was panic of an entirely different nature when Leo asked if Donnie had anything they could use as lube. Donnie quickly retrieved his battered bottle of lotion, shrinking away from Raphael's grabs for it as he read the ingredients label. Raphael huffed and swore and ordered Donnie to hand it over, but he ignored him as he pulled his laptop onto the bed and switched it on.

"Don? What the hell?" Raphael sputtered, making another pass at the lotion. "Just gimme already-,"

"Just a minute," Donnie mumbled, swatting his hands away. "I need to make sure it's is useable for this purpose."

"Oh what the- Don, it's _fine_," Raphael sighed in exasperation.

Leo nuzzled his shoulder to get his attention. "_You_ wanted to bring him into this."

"Yeah, _him,_ not the scientist part," Raphael teased, nudging Donnie with his foot. Donnie gave him an amused glance but didn't reply as his fingers began flying over the keyboard.

"'Sides," Raphael grumbled, "I may've said it first, but I betcha anythin' you were _thinkin' _it first. Ya damn nympho." He leaned forward, grinding their plastrons together, grinning when Leo gave a helpless moan.

"Th-that's rich, coming f-from you," Leo panted. "You're the one wh-who gets me up twice s-some nights."

"Oh, that's bullshit," Raphael muttered, digging his nails into Leo's side to make him gasp and churr. "Stop fillin' Don's head with such lies."

"Speaking of Don," Leo said, biting his lip. "Don? Hello?"

"Just a minute." He glanced at the label again, his lips moving as he silently pronounced the list.

"It's _been _a minute," Leo replied dryly.

Donnie gave him an irritated glance as he closed the laptop and replaced it on the desk. "_Excuse me_ for wanting to make sure it's safe. I think _you_ of all of us would want me to do that." He tossed the bottle to Raphael.

"But- You use it, don't you?" Leo asked curiously, then choked on a groan as Raphael's greedy hands slid up the insides of his thighs.

Donnie curled up next to them, mere inches from Leo's side. "Yes, but not _internally,_ Leo. It could've burned or hurt you. I had to doublecheck."

Leo's smile softened, and he reached up to pet Donnie's cheek. "Thank you, Don. I hope you realize we were teasing you."

Donnie leaned into Leo's hand, nodding slightly. "Of course; and I hope you don't take offense that I ignored your protests." He smiled shyly when Leo's hand caressed the side of his neck.

"None wh- Raph, that's _cold!_- whatsoever," Leo panted. "Don, do you mind if I br-brace myself on you?" His hand slid further, resting on Donnie's shoulder tentatively.

"S-sure. G-go ahead," Donnie stuttered. He followed the angle of Leo's arm back to his body, down the woven lines of his plastron, then held his breath as he watched Raphael coax Leo's erection into his palm. Leo gasped and churred, his head slamming back into the mattress, his grip on Donnie's shoulder tightening. Mesmerized, his cheeks heating in a brilliant flush, Donnie's eyes locked on Raphael's dark emerald fingers sliding and twining around the thick shaft. Leo moaned again, arching into his touch.

Leo was _gorgeous_; made all the more enticing by Raphael's masterful grip and smooth motions.

"Don." Raphael growled his name, his voice raspy with lust. Donnie started, though he was unable to tear his gaze from Raphael's hands.

"Wh-What?"

Raphael leaned forward, an oddly serene smile on his face as he stared back into Leo's hooded eyes. "Prob'ly not gonna be able to concentrate on ya, so don't think I'm ignorin' ya, 'kay?"

Donnie licked his lips, hunching his shoulders to force his next words out. "I- I can understand why," he whispered, reaching up to gingerly stroke Leo's hand. Leo gave him a brief, though powerful, look of adoration, and Donnie gasped as his skin tingled and warmed.

"Y-You can have fun t-too, Don, if you w-want- _dammit Raph that's c-cold!_"

"Fuckin' baby tonight, geez," Raphael muttered. He chuckled darkly at Leo's scowl, his hand abandoning Leo's erection to grip his neck and pull him closer for a fierce, hungry kiss. Leo wrapped his other arm around Raphael's shoulders to keep them pressed together as they fought to control the kiss.

Their kiss unlocked another layer of desire in Donnie; it finished what the rough, passionate embrace between them in the shower had started, and he could no longer ignore the ache between his legs. He silently let himself acknowledge that the scene before him was irrevocably arousing, so much moreso than his imaginings had ever been, and he slowly, cautiously rested a hand over the growing bulge in his plastron. His own touch still felt somewhat forbidden, and he chided himself mentally. He'd come this far, he _wanted _to come this far, and continue; and he was still amazed that they wanted him there- wanted _him._

It hadn't escaped his attention that they hadn't mentioned Mikey at all, but he shoved that train of thought to the back of his mind. He could think and worry about their youngest brother later; right now was for _him,_ and Leo and Raph. And he didn't want to miss _anything._

Such as the way Leo's hand was still kneading his shoulder, a solid connection to the erotic display on the bed. _His_ bed. He couldn't contain his pleased hum that they were here, next to him, showing him everything they'd learned, and everything they wanted to share with him.

He wanted to be where Leo was so, so badly. Not tonight, but soon.

Apparently he had missed a moment or two while wrapped in his thoughts, because Raphael had both his and Leo's cocks in one hand, slowly stroking them in tandem while his other was pressed against Leo's entrance, twisting and pushing.

"Whaddya want?" Raphael growled smugly.

A spark of challenge returned to Leo's glazed eyes, but it was lost as Raphael thrust his fingers deeper inside.

"C'mon," Raphael wheedled, grinning when Leo groaned wordlessly. "Tell me what'cha want. Tell Don. C'mon, you can tell Donnie, right? How much you love my hot cock up yer tight ass?"

Both Leo and Donnie gasped, Leo's grip tightening painfully.

"_Show_ me what'cha want, then," Raphael suggested slyly, resting back to let his cock slide down next to his slick fingers.

Leo moaned his name as his legs fell open wider, brushing Donnie's knee. Donnie felt himself churr at the touch, his own cock dropping down from sheer need, and he quickly wrapped his hand around it.

"Was hopin' ya'd come out to play, Don," Raphael growled playfully, giving him a quick look of approval, and he flushed.

It was amazing, truly amazing, to watch Leo bend and mold to Raphael's will when Raphael began easing himself into him. Leo's nails digging into his skin kept Donnie above the rapidly rising hormones, though just barely. And Raphael, moving so painstakingly slow while Leo adjusted- Donnie couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Raph so eager and yet so patient.

He got his answer when seconds later, he heard Leo whisper.

"Raph…"

"Hm?" Raphael asked lazily, settling his arms at Leo's sides and hunching over him possessively. "Ya gonna tell me what'cha want, yet?"

"Damn… you…" Leo panted. The sight of him writhing under Raphael's hold ignited a fresh wave of lust in Donnie, and he clutched at Leo's hand on his shoulder. "I- I want you."

"Want me to what?" Raphael teased as he gave a small, tentative thrust.

Leo bit his lip, muffling a loud churr. "T-take me. Use me."

Donnie whimpered, that odd streak of jealousy flaring again, and he leaned forward instinctively. He wanted to be Leo. Oh, he wanted to be Leo.

"Louder," Raphael commanded, rocking forward and gasping in pleasure.

Leo shook his head, his eyes suddenly miserable. "N-No, the lab isn't s-soundproof-,"

"Dammit, Leo," Raphael breathed, dipping his head to bite at Leo's shoulder, "I said louder. I wanna hear you say it. Bet Don does too."

Leo's eyes flickered to Donnie's, who nodded vigorously, and Leo sighed, closing his eyes as Raphael nibbled his way up his neck.

"F-Fuck me," Leo panted, and both Raphael and Donnie moaned. "Fuck me like you pr-promised this morning with that _look _you gave me over br-breakfast. I've needed you all d-day."

"So've I," Raphael groaned, bracing his arms against the mattress as he thrust harder. "Gods, it's torture watchin' you all day an' not touchin' you or actin' like nothing. _Fuck,_ I hate that and fuck, I love _this._ Love _you._" Without turning his head, Raphael reached over, blindly feeling for Donnie's leg. "You too, y'know," he added gruffly, his cheeks darkening.

Donnie froze, unsure of what to say, if anything; a silent statue as Raphael's rocking became more urgent; Leo's gasping pleas and cries growing louder.

They _loved _him. Not just as their brother, but they actually loved him like this; like they loved each other.

Donnie filed that thought away to ponder later again, concerned he'd miss out on a look, a touch, a word. He loved them too, and suddenly, he was not afraid.

He shoved himself to his knees, one hand keeping Leo's steadily on his shoulder as he reached forward- slowly- and gripped the back of Raphael's neck. Raphael rolled his head, gazing at him in surprise, careful to not lose his rhythm.

"Raph?" Donnie was disgusted by how small and timid his voice sounded.

"Not tonight, Don," Raphael said firmly, shaking his head.

"N-Not that. But… Kiss me?"

Raphael and Leo stared at him, slow smiles spreading on their faces.

"_Please?_"

"Shit," Raphael breathed, and Leo chuckled as he threw his head back into the bed. Raphael wrapped his arm around Donnie's neck and yanked him forward, pressing their lips together roughly as he rocked forward wildly.

Donnie briefly registered Leo's comment of, "Damn, that's _hot,_" before the piling sensations blotted out everything except his hand on his cock and Raphael's tongue curling around his. Leo's fingers scraped his skin occasionally as he writhed and churred beneath them.

Then there was nothing but Leo's voice and Raphael's mouth and they wanted _him_, tainted as he was, and he gasped as his orgasm built and crested, pouring himself over his hand and running down Leo's thigh. Leo came immediately after, disregarding his own advice and crying out wordlessly. Raphael broke the kiss, dropping his head onto Donnie's shoulder and panting both their names as he shivered and shook.

It was a full, breathless minute before Raphael groaned and collapsed on the bed, tugging Donnie down to sandwich Leo between them. He grabbed Donnie's hand, wet with come and sweat, lacing their fingers together on Leo's plastron in a clumsy hug.

Leo was the first to speak up, tilting his head and nuzzling Raphael's nose with his. "See? And this is why we take showers _after._"

"Whateva," Raphael mumbled, his eyes already closed. "Already took mine."

"You can be such an ass at times," Leo said, smiling when Raphael swatted at his face.

Donnie listened to them bicker, trying to untangle the heady rush of hormones and emotions, but he was exhausted. One question floated above the others, and he squeezed Raphael's hand to gain his attention.

"I… I want to ask you both something."


	16. Chapter 16

Insomnia  
>Chapter Sixteen<p>

Donnie smiled as he watched Raphael scoot closer so he could nestle his head against Leo's neck, blinking at him curiously. Leo raised his arm to pet the back of Raphael's neck as he arched a brow at Donnie.

"Mm?" Raphael prompted sleepily.

Donnie hesitated, wondering how to construct his question, and Leo's arm tightened around him encouragingly. "I know what you told me, but… But how did you know- really know- that you weren't just, um lonely? That you actually-"

"Loved 'im?" Raphael finished, his eyes slipping closed again. "Lemme answer first so I can sleep."

"You still think you're getting out of another shower?" Leo teased, his fingers gripping at Raphael's skin. "You're all sticky."

"Then wipe me down so I can sleep," Raphael snapped with a lazy grin.

"Are you going to sleep in here?" Donnie asked in a small, hopeful voice, and Raphael opened one eye to peer at him.

"If ya don't mind, kinda thought we would. 'Least 'til mornin', then we can sneak back to our rooms. Set an alarm or somethin' like we normally do."

Leo frowned slightly. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Fine, then I'll stay here an' you go back to yer room," Raphael yawned. "Ya gotta shower anyways."

Leo tilted his head, considering, and Donnie rubbed his cheek against Leo's shoulder.

"But I want you _both _to stay."

"It would raise less suspicion if just one of us were here," Leo replied quietly. "Fine, I agree, but next time… _I_ get to stay." He squeezed the back of Raphael's head for emphasis, who just snorted. "So, I'll answer first so I can leave. You remember me telling you I saw Raphael differently that night?"

Donnie nodded quickly.

"I meant that in both a physical and metaphysical sense. I want to be closer to Raph, to know everything about him- his desires, his hopes and dreams, his faults, his fears. I want to map out everything that makes him himself. Not just because I can then lead him better, or be a better brother to him- although that is partly true. No, I want to know everything on a level I've never thought about, because… because I want to show him my own naked soul as well. And that scares the hell out of me, but I'm determined to show him anyway." Leo tilted his head, dropping a chaste kiss on Donnie's forehead. "And you."

"Told ya," Raphael yawned again. "He's a sap."

"Hmph. Wait 'til you hear his reasoning," Leo chuckled as he rolled and struggled to sit up. Raphael and Donnie reluctantly let go, watching him stand with hooded eyes. "Towel?" Leo asked, glancing around.

Donnie pointed with a foot. "Under the bed."

Leo retrieved it and shoved Raphael back onto his shell, rubbing down his skin in quick, though gentle, strokes. Raphael lay still, eyes closed with a smirk on his face. Leo gave him a soft kiss when he was finished, and Donnie smiled when he heard a rough, tired churr from Raphael.

Then Leo turned his attention on him, and Donnie suddenly understood why Raphael had been so still. Leo's dark eyes burned into his, speaking of emotions he'd only hinted at as his clever hands slid across his body, careful to keep away from sensitive areas. He paid special attention to Donnie's hands, delicately wiping in all the creases and folds of the skin. Donnie felt like he was the only person that existed in that moment; it was just him and Leo, eyes locked with silent words, and he wasn't surprised to feel his own rumbling churr vibrate in his chest. Leo chuckled again as he also gave Donnie a gentle kiss.

"I'll see you both in a few hours at breakfast. Goodnight."

"'Night," Raphael muttered, curling into the space between them and hugging Donnie to his chest.

Donnie watched Leo leave, hiding a yawn as he closed the door behind him. It wasn't fair Leo had to go; he'd wanted them to cocoon him on either side the rest of the night. He knew he'd have the best sleep of his life then.

He risked a glance up at Raphael as he cuddled closer to his chest, but his eyes were closed again. "Raph?"

"Mm. Yeah, 'kay, my reason's a whole lot simpler," Raphael mumbled against his cheek. "Basically, I'm a lot more scared than I used t'be."

"What?" Donnie asked, confused.

"Like… Well, look, I've always been afraid of losing one of ya," Raphael grumbled, his arms tightening possessively around Donnie. "S'always bothered me, a lot."

"I- I didn't know that," Donnie said sadly.

"Yeah, well, after Leo started this whole thing, I've been scared on a whole 'nother level. I mean, s'like, can't live without 'im anymore. I know I couldn't. Sure, I'd keep up my end of things if he were suddenly gone an' all that but… I'll be honest, Don, I'd be a complete wreck inside. An' it wouldn't go away. Just can't… can't lose him, now. Or you. Just can't."

_Or Mikey?_ Donnie wondered silently, then angrily shoved the thought away.

"So, yer turn…" Raphael nuzzled his head with his nose. "You love us, huh?"

"Yes," Donnie replied immediately.

"Ya got a sappy reason too?"

"I don't know." Donnie hid his face in his chest. "All I know is I- I- this sounds so stupid in my head- I want to submit to you. Not just sexually, but… everything. I want to be yours."

Raphael laughed once, a gentle, pleased sound. "S'both flatterin' _and _sexy. Now, think you'll be able to sleep?"

"Absolutely," Donnie sighed happily, wrapping his legs around Raphael's. "I predict it'll be the best sleep I've ever had."

"Prob'ly will be," Raphael smiled. "S'always is for me when Leo lets me stay for a bit."

Donnie glanced up, unable to resist one last tease. "So… You go to Leo's room more often?"

"Shaddup, wonder boy," Raphael muttered.

Donnie chuckled, and within moments they were both fast asleep.

But neither of them had remembered an alarm.


	17. Chapter 17

Insomnia  
>Chapter Seventeen<p>

Donnie felt pressing weight settle on his chest, and he swatted angrily, then froze as he looked up into baby blue eyes.

"Don? Get up!" Mikey urged.

Donnie gasped, trying to shove Mikey's hands from him, but he panicked for another reason entirely when he realized he couldn't move. He tried to speak, to scream, but no sound escaped his throat. Mikey's eyes narrowed in concern, the hands travelling up to his neck to cradle it, and Donnie felt himself sob.

Not again. He didn't want this again. He would fight this time, fight off Mikey's touch, make him stop-

"Don?"

Donnie struggled, trying to retreat from the prying fingers. He couldn't move. His body wasn't responding to his mental commands. Why? Was he tied down? His arms and legs felt like lead; trying to move them gave him a splitting headache.

"Don, hey, s'okay."

_Wait._

Mikey didn't call him _Don._

He blinked rapidly, opening his eyes for the first time that morning, and Raphael's worried face swam into view.

"Don, relax, yer okay."

"Where's- Mikey?" Donnie gasped, looking around him frantically, and Raphael shook his head.

"Prob'ly at breakfast, where we shoulda been a half hour ago." Raphael shifted nervously, and Donnie felt the gentle hand at his neck. Raphael hadn't been holding him down, just touching him. A nightmare?

"S-Sorry," Donnie muttered, rubbing his eyes shakily. "I- I could've sworn you were Mikey, I saw him-,"

"No, Don," Raphael said soothingly, nuzzling his cheek with his nose. "S'just been me holdin' ya all night. Well, an' Leo, while he was here." He sent an anxious glance at the clock, and Donnie followed his gaze.

"Shit," Donnie breathed, Raphael's words catching up to his fuzzy mind. "The alarm- we didn't set one."

"An' we wonder why ya call yerself a genius," Raphael chuckled, and Donnie found enough energy to smack at his arm. "Hey, y'okay?"

"Yes," Donnie said, though he sounded unconvincing even to himself. "I just- I saw Mikey as you and I thought he was…"

"Nah, don't'cha worry 'bout that," Raphael growled, burrowing his head in the crook of Donnie's neck. "Ain't gonna let him within five feet of ya."

Donnie felt a pang of guilt, though it was small enough to ignore. "But… Raph, that's not really fair t-to him, is it?" He knew he'd asked the wrong question when he felt Raphael's body tense.

"I'll tell ya what ain't _fair,_" Raphael hissed, "is him comin' in here an' feelin' you up without no one knowin', not even yerself, like a goddamn pervert. Hell, Don, I ain't gonna lie to ya, I've been tempted more times than I can count to grab ya and pin ya down and kiss all those fancy equations and smartass remarks right outta yer brain. But I would never, _ever_ do nothin' ya didn't want. An' I didn't know so I respected yer space. He didn't. He scared ya, violated ya, an' frankly I dunno if I can forgive him for that."

Donnie weathered the tirade silently, wrapping his arms around Raphael's neck when he felt his brother tremble with anger. Those defensive, furious words were for him, and if he'd been unsure last night, he knew for certain Raphael loved him. It made his heart ache, but in a pleasurably way.

"I'm okay, Raph," Donnie whispered. "I'll be okay. And- And we'll fix this between Mikey and I, okay? It'll work out somehow."

"Lil' fucker better suck up to you for _years,_" Raphael muttered, hoisting them both to a sitting position.

Donnie laughed softly. "Knowing Mikey, he probably will."

"I'll make damn sure he does."

"Raph, it's okay." Donnie cupped Raphael's cheek with his hand, nodding slightly. "I'm okay. You and Leo are making sure of that."

Raphael sighed, slouching gently, the tension lessening on his face. "Don?"

"Hm?"

Raphael's eyes narrowed in a swift grin. "Can I kiss ya 'fore we gotta go out there?"

Donnie cursed the heat darkening his cheeks as he nodded eagerly. "I don't think you have to ask permission for that, Raph."

"Oh good. Ya learn a lot faster 'n Leo," Raphael chuckled, and Donnie laughed again as their lips met, a sleepy embrace that quickly became impassioned. Raphael's tongue darted into his mouth again and again, tasting and licking and sucking. Donnie's arms pulled him closer, and they fell back to the bed, and Raphael's weight on him was like fire on his body. His nails dug into Raphael's skin urgently, moaning and panting into the kiss, writhing to lock their bodies closer together, one leg curling up and around Raphael's shell-

-And then Raphael pulled away, that smug smile on his face making Donnie's heart flutter and stomach clench.

"Gonna make a nympho of ya yet," Raphael laughed, sitting and tugging Donnie up beside him again.

Donnie couldn't reply for a moment, panting as he leaned against Raphael's shoulder. "You… You'd made a nymphomaniac out of a saint."

Raphael laughed louder, a deep, pleased rumble, and Donnie was interested to see his cheeks darken before he stood and yanked him to his feet. So Raphael _could_ be embarrassed. He'd have to remember that.

"Pour a bucket o' cold water on yerself mentally an' let's go," Raphael said, his voice more guff. "Fuckin' hate this skulkin' about business," he added as they walked to the door. "Fuckin' hate it. 'Bout ready to go to Splinter alone an' just spill."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Donnie said worriedly, but Raphael waved a hand at him dismissively.

"Ain't like he ain't gonna figure it out anyway. Father's sharp an' clever, an' we're doin' him a disservice by not tellin' him. He's gonna know anyway."

"But- But what if he tells us to stop?" Donnie asked timidly.

"So what?" Raphael growled. "Ain't nothin's gonna keep me from Leo. Or you. S'our personal business. Don't interfere with trainin', which is all he's really gonna give a shit about."

"I hope you're right," Donnie said, wringing his hands nervously. "Sh-Should we leave separately?"

"No," Raphael said sharply, an evil grin on his face, and the bottom dropped out of Donnie's stomach. "May as well go as we are."

"But-,"

"So I had a round of nightmares and crawled into bed with ya, no biggie," Raphael shrugged, pushing him out the door.

Raphael seemed mostly calm by the time they staggered into the kitchen, even glibly offering the lie to Mikey when he bounced around them worriedly.

Then Leo looked up from his newspaper, and Raphael stiffened at the glare, and Donnie's heart sank.

* * *

><p>[Author's Note]<br>Donnie experienced a bout of what's called 'sleep paralysis' at the beginning of this chapter.


	18. Chapter 18

Insomnia  
>Chapter Eighteen<p>

For a few moments, it seemed Leo and Raphael were content to simply glare at each other. Donnie's hopes for a quiet morning solidified as he clumsily poured himself a mug of coffee, then were dashed as Mikey joined him at the counter, looking up at him with narrowed eyes.

"What's with _them?_" he whispered conspiratorially, frowning when Donnie averted his gaze.

"Well… You know them," Donnie said lamely, gesturing vaguely.

"Yeah, but… I mean, it's like they woke up pissed at each other for some reason." Mikey shrugged, leaning against the counter. "'Course, Raph's been a one-turtle wrecking ball lately, hasn't he?"

"That he has," Donnie agreed firmly. "Say, uh, why don't we go sit out by the TV while they do their thing?"

"Thought you'd never ask," Mikey said brightly, then squeaked when Raphael's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

"Yer stayin' in here," Raphael said gruffly, not looking away from Leo's stare.

Mikey stomped a foot angrily, and Donnie inched closer to the door. "Why? _Why_ are you getting all the Donnie-time and I get _none?_ Why don't you and Leo have your little lover's spat and I'll finally get some quality time with the only sane brother I've got?"

Donnie's eyes widened- Raph was upset, he never thought clearly when he was angry, surely he wouldn't-

"'Cause you can't keep yer goddamn hands to-,"

"_Raphael!_" Leo thundered, lurching to his feet and leaning over the table to shove his face into Raphael's. "A hundred flips. Dojo. Now. _Now! Go!_"

"I… what…?" Mikey blinked, backing away slowly as Raphael stormed past him, his eyes widening with each step.

"M'sorry," Raphael muttered as he walked past Donnie, who shrank as he passed by.

"Don, leave," Leo commanded, though he sounded calmer.

"But-," both Donnie and Mikey chorused, and Leo shook his head, crossing his arms in his infamous leader pose.

"I told you I'd handle this, and I shall. Go, Don."

Donnie fled the kitchen, both ashamed and elated Leo was making good on his promise. He shouldn't leave Leo alone to deal with this- it was _his_ problem, after all, it was between Mikey and himself. But then… Leo had told him just last night he wanted to be a part of everything in Donnie's life, and this definitely was still too scary to face alone. He desperately wanted to know Mikey's reasoning, but he wasn't ready to hear it yet. Not from Mikey himself, at least.

He jerked when a hand paused his frantic run, and he looked down into the worried brown eyes of his father.

_Oh, shit._

"Donatello."

Donnie tried to arrange his face into a neutral expression, and knew he'd failed completely when Splinter cocked his head at him.

"I believe it is past time for us to talk. Would you join me in my room for some tea?" He half turned, gesturing for Donnie to follow him.

Donnie nodded, puzzled as he fell into step beside his father. He didn't miss the fact that Splinter had _asked_ him to join him, not _ordered_. That was… odd. Though it didn't make him any less nervous as he entered the perfectly feng shui room and knelt at one end of the long table in the centre. He set his mug of coffee on the table, arching a brow in question as his father sat across from him. Splinter wrinkled his nose, but nodded.

"I would prefer you drink something healthier," Splinter said wryly, "but you seem as if you could use the- the…"

"Caffeine," Donnie supplied, and Splinter smiled in agreement. Donnie felt his breathing slow; maybe he was panicking for no reason. His father seemed relaxed, happy to be in his company. Maybe he was just-

"Donatello, I believe you owe me an explanation for your behavior as of late."

Donnie cringed, but at least his father's tone lacked the sharp edge of accusation. "I do, father. I just… haven't wanted to talk about it. It's… embarrassing and humiliating."

Splinter sipped delicately at his teacup, waiting patiently, his small eyes warm and concerned, filled with love.

And Donnie broke.

He crossed his arms over his chest, occasionally squeezing his eyes shut as he started from the beginning; the insomnia, Mikey's inappropriate behavior, his confessions to Leo and Raph… and their confession to him. He felt better the longer he talked, reopening the wound in his soul and cleansing it as the words tumbled from his lips. He left out the more colourful details- there was no way in hell he would describe what he and Leo and Raph had exactly done last night- but he put it in the simplest and least embarrassing terms that he could.

And those warm eyes never wavered from his.

Donnie rested his elbows on the table, his head clutched in his hands as he finished. He was shaking by this point from the release of varied emotions, and fear of his father's reaction.

Several silent, agonizingly long moments passed. Donnie calmed enough to rest back on his knees, gulping his cold coffee with a grimace.

"I wish they had come to me," Splinter said quietly, a frown finally marring his furry brow.

"Raph wanted to," Donnie said defensively. "Leo didn't yet, but, you have to understand, he wants to as well, just… Just when he feels he can face you."

"Is Leonardo ashamed?" Splinter asked sharply, and Donnie shook his head rapidly.

"Not at all, father! Neither is Raph." He took a deep breath, staring back at Splinter directly. "Nor myself."

Splinter blinked back at him. "And why did you not come to me?"

Donnie hung his head, though he didn't break his father's gaze. "Because, as I said, I felt humiliated. Violated. I… I didn't know what to think. I still don't know Mikey's reasoning behind what he did, but I don't believe it was malicious. Leo… Leo's talking to him now about it, though." Donnie straightened slightly, smiling. "Leo told me he'd talk to Mikey first, so- so I wouldn't have to confront him."

There was a flash in Splinter's eyes, though it faded quickly. "Normally, in any other circumstance, Donatello, I would tell you to handle a problem with one of your brothers yourself. But… I understand your hesitancy."

"Thank you, father," Donnie mumbled in relief.

"How will you handle this, after Leonardo has talked to him?" Splinter asked quietly.

"It… depends on Mikey's motivations, I suppose," Donnie said uneasily. "But I just can't believe ill of him. I just don't think he was thinking it through at the time."

Splinter's brows raised. "So you wish Michaelangelo no ill will?"

"No, father. I just don't want him touching me for a while."

"Understandable. And yet you do not mind Leonardo and Raphael's embraces?"

Donnie ducked his head again, flushing. "N-No, father. I welcome them."

"Why?"

Donnie fidgeted with his wriststraps. "B-Because I love them. And they love me." He looked up, adding hastily, "And they love each other."

Splinter's eyes narrowed, but otherwise remained still. "And how do you know this? You are so young, Donatello. How can you be so certain?"

Donnie took another steadying breath- he'd already spilled so many secrets, may as well tell him these as well. He haltingly explained what Leo and Raph had told him, blushing furiously as he then explained his own reasoning.

"I will be honest with you, Donatello," Splinter said when he was finished. "I have known of Leonardo and Raphael's… antics for quite some time now. I wrestled greatly with the decision to interfere or wait. I chose to wait, because…" Splinter sighed, resting his teacup on the table. "Because I cannot offer them advice in this area of their lives. All I can tell them is to be open and honest with each other, and be responsible. And have I not taught all of you that since you were young?"

"Of course, father." Donnie felt his heart leaping in his chest; this positive response from Splinter was too good to be true!

"I have been watching Leonardo keenly," Splinter continued. "I do not see him favouring Raphael in any way beyond closed doors."

"I do not believe he would ever do such a thing, father."

"I am concerned Leonardo or Raphael would favour a lover over a brother in the heat of battle," Splinter clarified, and Donnie nodded in recognition. "The battlefield is no place for emotions, and I feared a deeper relationship between the two would unbalance the team."

"I don't believe it has," Donnie said tentatively, and Splinter smiled in agreement.

"Not only have they _not _unbalanced the team, but their new bond has strengthened it," Splinter said. "Their arguments are fewer and less violent. They have also shown interest in developing deeper relationships between their other two brothers, as well." Splinter sighed, settling further on his tatami mat. "Their methods of achieving such a closeness puzzled and worried me- and still do somewhat. But I am reasonably certain that this is the best path for them." Splinter gazed serenely at Donnie, a small smile on his face. "And you, if you chose to walk beside them in such a manner."

"I- I want to," Donnie blurted. "And, father, I… I wish Mikey to as well, I just… want to resolve this between us first, of course."

"Then do so," Splinter said, shuffling to his feet, and Donnie hastily stood.

"Father… I'm stunned you're comfortable with this," Donnie admitted. "I- I just don't understand why you're not more upset. Or horrified."

"I was, at first," Splinter nodded as he gently ushered Donnie out of the room. "You have not witnessed my initial panic."

"I… see."

"And perhaps I have watched one too many of my stories," Splinter chuckled, and Donnie smiled in relief.

"But don't they always have double-crossing and strife and curses?"

"Yes, but then, our lives already contain those elements; just not with each other," Splinter replied merrily.

"You're amazing, father," Donnie said, bending to hug him tightly. "I feel so much better."

"Good. I would appreciate it if you would encourage the others to speak to me, but they should come to me as they wish."

"I will, father. Thank you."

Splinter held up Donnie's mug gingerly. "And please take your poison with you."

Donnie laughed weakly, scooping him in another embrace before taking the mug with him. Squaring his shoulders, he raced to the dojo.


	19. Chapter 19

Insomnia  
>Chapter Nineteen<p>

Donnie skidded to a halt outside the dojo, rolling his empty mug on the ground as he barreled inside. "Raph! _Raph!_"

Raphael crashed mid-leap into a tangle of limbs. He glanced up as Donnie ran to him, his eyes a mixture of both relief and anger.

"Don- What the hell, I was-,"

"Shut up and listen," Donnie said breathlessly. "I just talked to father."

Raphael sat up, eyes widening. "'Bout?" he prompted eagerly.

Donnie spread his arms, grinning. "Everything! And I do mean, _everything._ Even- Even last night. Though I put it in delicate terms. And he's more than pleased."

"_Holy shit,_ Don," Raphael breathed, pushing himself to his feet and gripping Donnie's shoulders tightly. "Leo an' me? And Leo an' me an' _you?_"

"_Everything_," Donnie repeated. "Even wh-what Mikey did."

"Speaking of which," Leo said from behind them, "Mike is willing to talk to you, if you are, Don."

"I… Sure," Donnie replied as he turned toward the door. Leo was wearing a mostly serene expression; only a slight furrowing of his brow betrayed any emotion. Mikey was his complete opposite, with wide, tear-limned eyes and one of the best pitiful frowns Donnie had ever seen.

"Then join us in the living area," Leo replied quietly. He tilted his head at Raphael, indicating he should follow as well before disappearing around the corner.

"I don't think Leo's ever let me off a punishment before," Raphael said with a forced smile. He gripped Donnie's hand, letting him lead them from the dojo at a slow pace. Mikey was fidgeting on the couch, Leo standing over him like a watchdog. Leo motioned for Donnie to sit, then grabbed Raphael's arm before he could follow. Leo tried to guide him away, but Raphael planted his feet resolutely when Donnie glanced up at him imploringly.  
>"Privacy," Leo murmured in explanation.<p>

"I ain't goin' nowhere," Raphael growled, trying to twist his arm out of Leo's hold.

"I think they could use some space," Leo replied firmly.

"Fuck space; I ain't leavin' Don alone-,"

Leo sighed, tugging at his arm again. "I wasn't suggesting we should," he retorted.

"Well, that's what yer doin', draggin' me away-,"

"Will you just come and sit down?" Leo snapped. He pointed at the nearby pair of ragged armchairs.

"It's okay," Donnie said quietly. "Just- Just stop arguing and _sit._" He sighed in relief when Raphael finally let Leo shove him into one of the chairs.

Now if he could stop his hands from shaking and meet Mikey's gaze. Fortunately Mikey seemed more interested in staring at the floor than him. When he spoke, his voice quivered; low enough that only Donnie could hear.

"S-So this began a while back," he stuttered, and Donnie couldn't suppress a slight shiver. "I checked up on you one night when you had to take that stuff. An' I was kinda bored, couldn't sleep anyway, so I was poking around in the lab-,"

Donnie glared at him.

"-And I didn't upset anything, honest! So I was really bored and I sat down by you and patted your shoulder 'cause you were mumbling in your sleep and-," Mikey paused, finally glancing up briefly, "-and you said my name, and I thought that was really cute. So I touched your forehead and you- you moaned. Like, y'know. _That _kinda moan."

Donnie groaned inwardly; was it really this simple? He opened his mouth to speak, but Mikey plowed on.

"-So, like, I started thinkin'. 'Cause, like, I've been gay for you for a- What?"

Donatello buried his face in his hands, shaking it. Just when he was convinced Raph was the least tactful, Mikey proved him wrong. "N-Nothing. Go on."

"Okay," Mikey said, sounding puzzled. "Anyway, I've liked you for a while, and I thought maybe you, y'know, liked me too but you didn't want to tell me or didn't know how to tell me or whatever so your subconscious was doin' it for you. So I was gonna be patient. And- And in the meantime I could still love on ya a little at night."

"I see," Donnie said quietly. "But you-,"

"And then I found out about Leo and Raphie," Mikey blurted, "and I was so happy 'cause that means I get you, and I was-,"

"No ya don't," Raphael growled, half-rising from his seat. Leo tugged him back down, glancing apologetically at Donnie.

"What?" Mikey said, suddenly angry as he poked Donnie in the chest. "You don't get _him_, too! That's _totally_ unfair!"

"That's for me to decide," Donnie said, gingerly scooting backwards on the couch. "And I already have."

"Really?" Mikey asked breathlessly.

Donnie looked over Mikey's shoulder and met Leo's gaze. He smiled at the gentle restraint on his face. "Yes, I have."

"_Not fair!_" Mikey thundered, twisting to glare at his elder brothers.

Something snapped inside Donnie. He shoved on Mikey's shoulder to regain his attention. "This isn't about what's _fair,_" Donnie retorted. "This is, in fact, about what- and who- _I_ want, for once. And I want Leo. I want Raph." He couldn't resist a small smirk as he added, "And I've had them, too. I wanted you too, Mikey, until you broke my trust and betrayed my privacy!"

Mikey crumpled against the back of the couch, all traces of his anger gone. "I'm so sorry, Donnie. I didn't think it was like that. I thought you wanted it. I really, really did. I'm so sorry I scared you. I would never ever hurt you willingly. I just thought…"

"Yeah, well, that ain't yer strong point," Raphael snarled, then huffed when Leo hushed him.

"All the same, Mikey, that was a terrible thing you did to me," Donnie mumbled. "I- I understand it wasn't malicious, but the fact remains that it disturbed me greatly, and it's going to take time for me to get over it."

"Okay," Mikey sniffled. "I'm sorry, Donnie. I'll do anything to help. Even if it's doing nothing."

"Doing nothing sounds good for now," Donnie said cautiously.

Mikey just nodded miserably.

Donnie stood, patting Mikey awkwardly on his shell before stepping past him to grab Leo's arm. "Come, Leo."

"What?" Leo looked up, puzzled as he was pulled to his feet.

Raphael, however, began to grin. "Yeah, c'mon, Leo."

"Let's go talk to father," Donnie said merrily. He paused when he heard no resistance. To his surprise, Leo merely nodded and strode forward.

"…Whatever ya did, Don, I wish you'd done it weeks ago," Raphael whispered, wide-eyed as they trailed after him.

* * *

><p>[Author Notes]<br>See? I'm not dead after all! I updated! Yay!


	20. Chapter 20

Insomnia  
>Chapter Twenty<p>

_Two Months Later_

"Thought 'bout what Leo said?"

Donatello glanced away from the van's motor in irritation. He and Raph had returned home early from an uneventful patrol, and were enjoying their time alone together.

Or, they _were_, until Raphael brought _that_ up. Donnie sighed, rubbing his face and unknowingly smearing the oil on his forehead.

"I know it's taking an extended amount of time for me to get comfortable with the idea of including Mikey," Donnie said apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm working on it, I really am-,"

Raphael snorted a laugh. "Don't gotta be sorry to _me_. I was just wonderin'."

Donnie sighed again, resting against the bumper dejectedly. He'd expected the gentle nudging from Leo, but not from Raph. "I'll sit down with Mikey tonight and-,"

"Hey, Don, _relax,_" Raphael chuckled, leaning forward to rest an arm around his shoulders. "I ain't in no hurry, trust me."

"What?" Donnie shifted to look up at him, confused. "Then why-,"

Raphael shrugged, his smile tinged with an emotion Donnie couldn't identify. "Seriously. I was just curious is all."

"Will you say what you mean instead of forcing me to guess?" Donnie asked, exasperated.

The change in Raphael was immediate; the smile disappeared, his eyes narrowed. His grip on Donnie's shoulder tightened as he spoke hesitantly. "I- Well- Look, Don, I know Leo was gonna bring this up sometime. He don't mean anything by it. He ain't tryin' to rush ya. It's just… Well, he's Leo, y'know? He loves all of us."

Donnie noted the faltering of his voice. Puzzled further, he prompted Raphael silently with a nudge.

"But…" Raphael looked down, his face drawn with shame. "Ain't that way for me. I mean, I like Mike. Love him, y'know. But… It's just _different._ You an' Leo… Yer enough for me. I'm happy."

"Raph." Donnie gripped his arm for emphasis. "If you're uncomfortable with the idea, then-,"

"No, no." Raphael shook his head violently. "I ain't gonna begrudge Mike his fun. 'Cause if I was him, I know I'd be chompin' at the bit to win you guys over."

"You would never have put yourself in his position in the first place," Donnie replied absently, his mind racing to absorb this new information.

"'Kay, that's true. But still. S'like he said… S'only fair."

"When have you ever been concerned about being fair?" Donnie teased. He was pleased when he was rewarded with a small smile.

"Also true," Raphael admitted. "I'm selfish, Don. Don't want Mike to- to trivialize our time together. You an' Leo, ya make me feel special. Unique." He finally glanced up. "Mike ain't gonna do that," he added bitterly. "So I want you two to myself for s'long as I can."

Donatello counted five breaths before replying. "Raph, it's not selfish for wanting to be unique- especially when you've grown up with three brothers."

"It is when ya want it bad enough to hurt one of yer brothers."

"You don't want to hurt Mikey; you simply don't want to lose what you have," Donnie said patiently. He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around Raphael's neck and leaning against him. "And you won't, Raph. I promise."

"But Leo's gotta think of all of us," Raphael said sullenly.

"Yes, he does," Donnie whispered. "He does it _for_ us, Raph. So that you and I don't have to." He rested his head in the crook of Raphael's neck, smiling against the dark skin. "You and Leo will always be special to me. I know Leo has to strike a balance between us all. But, Raph; there can be balances within our team. Special somethings between each of us, just for us."

"I wish Leo would do that," Raphael sighed, tightening his hold around Donnie.

"I don't think you give him enough credit, Raph. He's devoted to you in an entirely different manner than he is to me. But even so,_ I_ will do this. With you." Donnie briefly wondered if they were entering dangerous territory, but logged it away to think about later. "Our special something can be this. You are unique, Raph, you just don't see it. But I'll do my best to show you how much I appreciate it. In and out of the bedroom."

There was a moment of silence as they both turned the idea over in their minds.

"And we can all still, y'know, _work,_ right?" Raphael asked hopefully.

"Absolutely."

"Then I guess I'll share," Raphael said, sighing dramatically. "S'long as I don't gotta share _this_." He nuzzled Donnie's head with his nose. "An' if you call me a sap, I'll punch yer lights out."

"Don't worry," Donnie chuckled. "We're allowed to be sappy at times. Even you. In fact, I've suspected for some time that you're the sappiest of-"

Raphael snarled and shoved Donnie back on his shell. The ensuing fistfight continued until Leo and Mike found them ten minutes later, and happily joined in.

And when their hands began wandering in gentler, softer touches, no one complained.

Not even Donnie.

~Fin

* * *

><p>[Author's Note]<br>If you've come this far, I want to personally thank you for reading this story.

As with most of my writing, I use stories as my own version of personal therapy. This story was immensely hard for me to write because I went through a somewhat similar situation that Donnie did. However, my experience was a lot more violent, heart-breaking, and does not have a happy ending.

But this story... This is_ my_ happy ending. This is me, accepting who I am and what happened to me. Nothing can change what and how it happened; but writing a happy ending to such a terrifying experience has carried me through my own fear and out the other side, back into the light. Back to hope that someone, someday, might love me, even if I still feel tainted.

Once again, thank you for reading.

See you in my other stories that I so desperately need to update! (cough, cough)

~cndrow (FFnet) / Succubii (DeviantArt)


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